An experience that I am thankful for everyday.
I've decided to share the letter I wrote. Honestly this is probably just for my own benefit, it's more of a reflection of my path and an overview of the steps I took to reach my today. I like to think I can look back on the lessons I've learned and be thankful for where I am, using my past to feel gratitude and to feel confident in my future without constantly worrying about it.
I can remember the day my real, true spiritual
journey began. I was attending the University of Oregon and was in my second
year as a Chi Omega. I was a junior by standing as I had joined the house a
year late. I believe that joining late was an advantage for me, one that
allowed me to enjoy my own pledge class but also connect with the girls in the
pledge class above me who were my age in school. I reveled in my new found role
in the house, I brought the energy of the 'new kid' but was seasoned in
understanding what college was all about. I was cultivating deep relationships
with all sorts of girls and getting a taste for responsibility other than
making it to my 9 am classes. It took work to learn how to live with 55 girls
(I moved in to the house a week after Bid Day!) and it took even more work to
uphold the values of a Chi Omega, which I resonated strongly with.
It helped make me who I am today. It laid a
strong foundation under my spiritual progression, one of service, dedication,
strength and honor. I think the first time I truly learned to honor myself as a
woman was in those first two years as a Chi Omega. I learned that not only was
it okay to be a strong woman, but that I could achieve anything I wanted if I
worked hard enough and stayed true to my personal integrity. To be womanly
always, for a girl who was raised by mostly boys, was freeing and enlightening.
Although hard for me to admit, Chi Omega was my
first true lesson in community service and upholding the values of service in
daily life. I had done some community service throughout my younger years but
never took it seriously enough. It was during my time as a junior in the house,
when it started to resonate and the gifts of service started laying themselves
on my heart as something I could no longer push aside. I remember the questions
starting to raise their heads; 'why are we here?' 'what am I doing?' 'what am I
here for?’ ‘There has to be more to it and I have to find out.' During my
junior and senior years I started having these kinds of conversations with my
sisters and friends. It was also a time when I decided I wanted to see the
world by way of studying abroad.
I studied abroad in Australia, which in turn
lead me back after graduation. That's when the spiritual adventure really
became my focus. I was constantly seeking, asking questions, never satisfied. I
was always wanting more and couldn't read enough, write enough, paint, run,
make pottery, learn Spanish, converse or learn enough. I was like a human
sponge trying to understand my place in the world. I thought I would find the
answer outside of myself; I thought it may come from a teacher, a friend, a
guru, a half marathon course, swimming in the ocean or reading book after book.
What I wasn't able to understand was that the answer was within and that is
where I was truly seeking.
So, as I sought, I became restless. During a
particular time of restlessness I looked up service programs and short missions
trips somewhere close to Australia. By coincidence, fate, or Divine
intervention, the same day I was Googling service programs, I met a Canadian
girl and she explained to me that she had been in Asia for six months and
really wanted to go back to work in an orphanage in Cambodia. I was sold. Three
days later I had my plane tickets, my work in Australia was put on hold and
three weeks later I was off. I had never experienced life in a developing
country and I was keen to see what it would offer me. What I wasn't prepared
for was that it would offer me my true heart.
That first day we adventured to the orphanage
is a joyful memory embedded on my heart for the rest of my days. The children
changed everything about me in about 30 seconds. Only, it took much longer than
30 seconds to sink in. After my experience of selflessly serving 73 children
who essentially had nothing but joy, my heart's passion was once more alit and
stoked, and the urgency of my seeking only became more intense. I knew I wanted
to help, I knew I wanted to give and I knew I had (literally) been born into a
life that would allow me to do so, somehow.
After settling in Australia for a little over a
year, I moved to New Zealand and resided in a very small town on the south
island. I only tell the story of my history because it has brought me to the
point I stand today, knowing that I want to dedicate my life, my energy, my
passion and my love to others. I see no other way to live my life and I feel
infinitely blessed to be given the challenge.
One day, in this tiny town in New Zealand, my
restless heart kept calling me to get away. So I borrowed a friend's car and
drove to another town about two hours away. During this time I was relentlessly
asking myself the big 'what is my purpose?' questions and desperately seeking
an answer I could make sense of. I knew the kids in Cambodia had changed my
life, I knew that I loved people and I knew that there was some sense of
'wanting to make the world a better place' imprinted on my heart. But I was
lost. I was lost and eager to find my calling. Looking back, I love that in this time the
universe was teaching me patience and strength by allowing me to walk this
spiritual journey for so long. As I sat in a park overlooking a beautiful lake,
asking myself the endless questions and drawing in my journal, I look over and
see the town's monument. Glaring down at me like a big flashing sign, older
than anything in the town, the only words inscribed on the whole monument read,
'Service Above Self.' And I knew.
I knew what it was I was here to do. I knew I
had to serve.
Then came more searching for the 'how'.
Frankly, it terrified me. Imagine knowing, at 24, that you were going to have
to sacrifice certain things and give up other things for the goodness of
others. I didn't quite know what to do with all of that.
The time came for me to move home to Portland,
Oregon and I left my non-kin, beloved families in Australia and New Zealand to
embark on the journey home and into 'real life.'
I've never really believed that people had to
conform to this so called 'real life' thing but I didn't know what else to do
so I moved home, flat broke, and still confused. I moved in with my parents and
took a job to pay the bills, but sought the 'how' more each day. Immediately
after moving home I took my first official yoga class. And it was bliss.
Looking back on it, I think part of me knew I wanted to become a teacher that
first day. My intuition tugged at my heartstrings and I felt that passion rise
up again. I got into a routine and went to class 3-5 per week. But what's more
than that was the connection I felt between my desire to serve and my heart
during my practice. It was as if love was literally emanating from my being. I
couldn't love people enough, I couldn't hold enough joy within. I was slowly
making that connection that my desire to serve and my passion for yoga could
potentially be intertwined.
My first yoga class was almost four years ago
and I still feel the same way today as I did in that first class. I have never
left a practice feeling anything but gratitude, love, strength, honor, passion
and joy.
And that is why I want to teach. I want to be
able to give those gifts to my community and my world. I want to be able to
share those feelings with others, help them open their hearts and help make the
world a more loving place. It is no secret that the world we live in could use
a little more love, and I intend on giving that through my chance to teach such
a sacred practice.
When I am consistently practicing, everything is clearer. Not only
when I am on the mat, but much clearer and calmer when I am off the mat.
Everything settles in, settles down.
Yoga saves me from my own brain. It helps ease the pain my heart
feels for the suffering in the world. It brings me joy and allows me to let go
of things I don't know how else to let go of. It assures me that there is
actually something I can do to make the world a better place. It relieves my
almost constant need to be hard on myself.
There is something that connects my heart, my mind and my soul
within the four corners of that mat. And it is a true blessing.
I understand the things going on in the world around me when I
practice yoga and meditation. Everything becomes simpler. I understand love. It
flows from everything. I understand service. There is nothing I yearn for more
but to give myself to others. I can feel joy and can revel in the space of
purity and goodness for the duration of a session and then throughout my day.
Sometimes this joy is literally bursting from the seems of my heart, I can do
nothing but laugh or smile or hug people or wiggle around as if my heart may
jump from my chest at any moment.
It's like a really good friend who makes you laugh. Or therapy. It's
like hiking, or a sunny day, a road trip with no agenda, love between two
hearts, a hug shared with your mama, a piece of chocolate and a good cup of
tea, a book you can't put down. It's like standing in the middle of everything
and everyone you've ever known and shining your light around the circle. It is
a blessing.
And that is the reason I want to become a teacher of yoga and the
physical, emotional, spiritual and mental health it can give to this world.
My spiritual journey began on a day in late October in Chi Omega
when the seeking could no longer be ignored. It continued through my study
abroad and my journeys back to such amazing countries. It continued in my heart
each and every day and it found a true outlet on a yoga mat. My spiritual
journey will always continue and it is my intention to follow my passions and
continue to learn, so I may give those things to the world, one class at a
time.
It would be an honor to receive this scholarship to help pave the
way in the beginning of such a journey. Over the last few years I have
continued to give myself to the nonprofit world. I have made sacrifices to
serve and do what fulfills me each day. When I am serving and attempting to
make the world a little better, I find my heart’s content. For sake of
repetition I will say that my employer’s letter states my financial need pretty
well. I believe in what I am doing, even when that comes with financial
sacrifice. It is an honor to run Wearshare50/50 and help nonprofits spread
awareness and raise funding for their causes each day. Because the program, and
the company, is a small start up, it has not been a lucrative position for me.
But people are more valuable than money and I know what I am doing is right.
This educational grant will allow me to gain the resources I need to continue
to serve my fellow brothers and sisters. It will allow me to empower others through
the gifts of yoga, positivity and healthy lifestyle choices.
I truly do not believe I'd be where I am if it weren't for the
support of my sisters, the strength of a forever sisterhood, or the spirit of
service Chi Omega awakened in my heart. I am blessed, either way, to have
gotten to share my story with you and hope that this letter finds you well and
in a place of inspiration to make the world a little brighter today and
everyday.
Namaste.