heart for homeless : homeless hearts

Love me some Banksy.
Social change is what we need! 

Last year, through various situations, I had the pleasure of befriending Portland's homeless community. I didn't volunteer anywhere, I just made friends.
I use the word pleasure intentionally and for the most part, it was exactly that. I say 'for the most part' because, admittedly, some homeless folk can be a little hard to deal with. But I believe that stems from not having a system that supports them properly. Truthfully, I might even say we have a system that does exactly the opposite, a system that can be incredibly disempowering, and even enabling, for someone experiencing homelessness, often due to improper health care systems and much more. But that is a whoooole other book to write...

I watched a movie tonight called Being Flynn. Have you seen it? Not only is it shot and edited extremely well but the way they depict homelessness in large cities is right on point. The story itself isn't the best but I enjoyed the fact that the issue surrounding homelessness was portrayed in such an honest and disarming way. They capture the emotion, the psychological issues, the shame and the physical and mental turmoil surrounding the issue very, very accurately. Also, the character depiction of the volunteers and staff members who work with the homeless; their selflessness, their never ending compassion and their ability to give with out taking, is flawlessly captured on screen.

I had no intention on even watching the film. I was spending time with my father after a simple meal I had prepared and it came on TV. We both sort of got sucked in and minutes later it had my brother, too. The feelings the film immediately engaged within my heart took me by surprise. I have seen it first hand. I have sat with homeless men and youth on the streets, I have sat with them in the pews of a church (not at service, to clarify). I have stood with them while they smoke (I don't smoke but sometimes find myself drawn to the social aspect of being a smoker) and I have listened to them talk when no one else will. Sometimes that shit gets real crazy, but sometimes we all get real crazy and we're just looking for an outlet.
In the beginning of my journey, many of the homeless people I encountered made me feel very uneasy and shy. I think our society had taught me to fear them in the that way I did. But when I allowed myself to understand that they were human, exactly like me, I was able to open up and become a friend.

I have written about how we're all the same. I dwell on this remarkable thought often. We really are all the same, heart and soul, children of God (or the Universe or the Divine or whatever) on earth, yet it's easy to 'forget' that everyone is included in that... including "crazy" homeless people and angry young black-block anti-everything kids with no roofs over their heads or caring families. Judgement is engrained, we have to work to see past it. And it's harder to see past it when you're looking at a guy who hasn't showered in weeks holding a sign with his own clever version of 'spare some change' written in Sharpie while his malnourished pup sits at his feet and you wonder if he reeks of alcohol or not. Most people choose not to see him at all.

But they all have names. And they all have stories. And yeah sure, some of them might be really fucked up, but that doesn't make them any less human than you or me.

Often times they feel forgotten. And a lot of times they are angry about it. They are angry about the unnecessary roughness they endure from the police and they are angry about not being allowed their right to a peaceful night's sleep. They hurting, they are struggling and they are in pain, whether their pride allows them to show it or not. Most of the time they're normal and they have pretty interesting shit to say. My favorite is finding myself smack dab in the middle of an intelligent or spiritual conversation with someone whom our society has cast off as a dead beat!

But the point of this, I guess, is to reflect on a time I now treasure. A time when I could say that most of the people I resonated deepest with had no place to sleep, no place to shower and no promise of their next meal. Many of them younger than myself.

But they all had names. And they all had stories. And they all had hearts.

I don't know if we all need to rush out and volunteer at a homeless shelter, we all have our own ways of making the world a better place and maybe that's not yours or mine. And I'm not saying we should all give money to every homeless person we see, but what I am saying is this; they are people. They are people just like you and me, with hearts and stories and love. If we all made a point to say hi, or pass on blessings, or give food if we feel so inclined, maybe the world would become a little lighter, a little less edgy.

I encourage you to not stop and think about whether or not they 'deserve' your hard earned change, or your snack or even whether or not they 'derserve' your blessing (because somehow society has made the majority of us believe the homeless are a lesser species) and just give them your love. Give them your love. Love is infinite and the more we give the more our own hearts will be bursting with it.

Just say hi, nod your head, make eye contact, bless, acknowledge.

It might make a world of difference. And we've got to start somewhere.

You just be you. I'm okay with that.

We spend so much of our time trying to change others. 

Even if we notice it or not... or like to admit it (and yes, wishing and hoping that someone will change to better fit 'our version of their best self' counts as well!).

I think it really begins… and ends… with the desire to change parts of ourselves. 

What we see outside is a direct reflection of who we are and how we feel inside. When we are not happy inside, we see a whole lot of 'wrong' in others that we try to change to make our inside feel happier. We will never reach contentment this way. Contentment always comes from within. And without it, qualities (bad or good) we notice in others will tend to have a much greater impact on us. 

When we become content with who we are, the external desire to change those around us subsides and we are able to accept and love them for exactly who they are. 

Becoming content with ourselves allows us to ground in to who we are, consequently, becoming less concerned with who others are (or who they are not). 

When we are not centered, when we self-loathe, question or critique ourselves to no end, we cannot live in harmony within. Our world is, and always will be, a reflection of our own hearts. We experience the outer by way of how the inner is feeling and what we are choosing to see and experience. The world can be shitty, but only if we decide to look at it that way.

"Those who truly love us will never knowingly ask us to be other than we are." -Marc Nepo

When I first came across this quote, it sat on my heart a little awkwardly. I didn't know why at the time but months later, when I had been stripped down of much of my pride, I realized it's awkward perch was because I knew that I was guilty of trying to change loved ones, whether I able to see and admit it or not. And I certainly didn't like admitting it! I had been doing the opposite of truly loving those I… loved. Whoa. 

Maybe this meant, for certain people, I didn't truly love them in the way I was expressing. I was trying to the best of my conscious ability, but I hadn't let myself think that I was loving them in the wrong way. This quote made me feel uneasy, it was allowing those thoughts to wrestle with my heart- maybe I had to love certain people in different ways in order to truly love them well? 

It worked. It was hard to admit, and hard to do but it worked. 

There was another reason Nepo's resonated with me. And after admitting to and forgiving myself of the faults of loving wrong and hoping for change, I knew I had written this quote down and pinned it on my wall months earlier for reasons I could not fully understand at the time. 

It was how I was supposed to be living. It was achievable. And it was right. 

It is what my heart would soon strive for- to simply love. Only love. Let people be free of my judgement, conscious or subconscious, and just love the shit out of them! 

Through an immensely difficult and simultaneously beautiful growth period in my life, I was able to shed so many unwanted layers of pain, confusion, self-loathing and questioning. During this time, I connected with the true matter of all heart and soul- joy. My very own joy. I was able to let go of unnecessary weight, and let in an insane amount of joy, laughter, forgiveness, understanding and purpose. 

Truthfully, all of these feelings had always been there- but somewhere along the way they had been masked by a lot of the more pressing, negative feelings. 

I found that, in this time of growth, I was able to really, truly understand the meaning of Nepo's quote. I was able to understand that not only would I never be successful at changing another human being to better suit me, but that it would be absurd for me to even want to! 

To accept is to love. To understand is to love. To love is to love. 

And we can all do it. 

People aren't always, or ever, going to be exactly the way we want them to be. But, who cares? Do you think you're exactly who others want or 'need' you to be? Chances are, unless you're Jesus, the answer is no (and some would argue that he's not even who they need him to be).

But you know what I say about all that? It's pretty darn beautiful! 

When we make up our minds to look at the world with infinite positivity, things become lighter. Happier. Easier. Understandable. Good. Human. Beautiful. Joyful. Infinite positivity gives us a way to look at people free of judgement or hate. And understanding that we cannot change them, will free our own hearts from a lot of struggle. 

Imagine what the world would be like if we stopped trying to mold people into 'who we think they should be' and started simply loving them for who they are, today, standing in front of us, with all their flaws and weirdness right out there on the table? 

Now, That's the kind of world I'd like to live in. 

on a hemp kick

Many of us have been advocates for hemp for along time.... 

but it's related to marijuana so we can't use it. 

dumb.

a pot smoking prophet

"People want to listen to a message, word from Jah. This could be passed through me or anybody. I am not a leader. Messenger. The words of the songs, not the person, is what attracts people." 

Today is this man's birthday.

For some reason, well I suppose for many reasons, I have silently acknowledged and internally celebrated this day for many years. I remember my freshman year in college, February 6th, in my dorm room, learning that it was the Rasta Prophet's birthday. It resonated with me and I knew that something about this day would allow me to reflect on a kind of Godly knowledge and a peace that the man himself held within his soul. 

"The people who were trying to make this world worse are not taking the day off. Why should I? Light up the darkness."

I think God, or the Universe, the Divine, continues to place people on our Mother Earth to teach. I believe that we still have prophets. And I believe that this Ganja smoking, rastafari loving, dreadlock wearing, man who had many relations with many women, was in fact a prophet of God. 

Maybe that's why I offend some church goers. Who knows. I don't think God has a box he fits things into as the church sometimes does. I think there are lessons all around, wisdom from unlikely places, and often times, faces we may ignore because they are not the norm. As humans, living in collective existence, we should break the mold, break the rules, live on the edge and learn in these unlikely places. 

Bob Marley really isn't too far out there I suppose, I mean he's known in every country of the world and many people think the same way I do about him. But many don't, and I think part of that stems from his use of herb. 

Recently, someone very close to me has been very ill. Without going into unnecessary detail, we have chosen to use marijuana to help ease the pain of what is going on. It has completely changed the way my brother and I look at this particular substance. Not that I was against it before, because I certainly was not, but it has made me look at it in it's true form: medicine. A healing and comforting drug. Now, those of you who know my brother know that his take on the herb is a little different. One could say he may use it pretty recreationally. This situation, too, has changed his outlook on it. He no longer wants to 'misuse' something that has such healing and medicinal properties. 

I think this year as Bob's birthday rolls around, for the first time in my life, he has truly taught me the beauty, strength and power of the herb that many of us look down upon. And that has been an important lesson to learn.

"Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction." -Bob

(It's interesting that the healing is outlawed and the destruction is allowed... backwards? As with many things in our society.)

So, Bob Marley has taught me a lot over the years. His music was some of the first I really listened to, understood and resonated with. His lyrics fill me with hope and joy. For someone with a wandering heart, he helps ground me in to my present existence. I think he, in every way, was a homie of Jesus and was here to teach us in his short time on earth. 

We must remember that We can light up the darkness, we can make the world a better place, we can live in harmony and free ourselves from judgement and hate. It is possible. 

Cheers to you, Mr. Marley!