yoga & meditation saved me..

this chick is hella scattering joy with some awesome balloons. 

from... myself.

I have this issue... It's called thinking too much.
I think about about the problems and the suffering in the world. About the joy of the world, sometimes the joy I am fearing I am missing out on (FOMO kiiiiills!). About my adventures in the moment and adventures I've yet to go on. About discoveries of new people, places and things, about my feelings, my heart, my head. The things I 'should' be doing. The difference I 'could' be making. The dreams I want to get to.
I think a lot. A lot of the time.

I find I do my most 'constructive' thinking while running. It's like therapy with a nice pace.
But, running doesn't always happen, especially in the last seven or so months with some of the physical issues I've had to deal with. So, my 'therapy' sessions have been nearly cut in half. Leaving a brain in a head yearning to be flushed out in some form or another.

Enter yoga & meditation.
When I am consistently practicing, everything is clearer. Not only when I am on the mat, but much clearer and calmer when I am off the mat. Everything settles in, settles down. It's like settling the apple juice in this here story.
Yoga saves me from my own brain. It helps ease the pain my heart feels for the suffering in the world. It brings me joy and allows me to let go of things I don't know how else to let go of. It assures me that there is actually something I can do to make the world a better place. It relieves my almost constant need to be hard on myself.
There is something that connects my heart, my mind and my soul within the four corners of that mat. And it is a true blessing.

My heart has been opened and opening ever more since the first day years ago I stepped on the mat. It's amazing the amount of pure, deep, true love I feel for others, the world and myself when practicing. Sometimes the power of this love moves me to such a deep space I have found myself letting tears slip from closed eyes in Savasana.

I understand the things going on in the world around me when I practice yoga and meditation. Everything becomes simpler.
I understand love. It flows from everything.
I understand service. There is nothing I yearn for more but to give myself to others.
I can feel joy and can revel in the space of purity and goodness for the duration of a session and then throughout my day.
Sometimes this joy is literally bursting from the seems of my heart, I can do nothing but laugh or smile or hug people or wiggle around as if my heart may jump from my chest at any moment.

It's like a drug. Or therapy. Or just a really good friend who makes you laugh. Or the way your dog makes you feel because he's the only 'person' you want to hang out with.
It's like hiking, or a sunny day, a road trip with no agenda, love between two hearts, a hug shared with your mama, a piece of chocolate and a good cup of tea, a book you can't put down.
It's like standing in the middle of everything and everyone you've ever known and shining your light around the circle.
It is a blessing. 

And it saved me from me. It saved me from the confusion my head builds. It saved me from the things that I have no desire to become.

An amazing, encouraging, best friend of mine recently gave me a little magnet that simply says "Scatter Joy." She said the second she saw it, she thought of me and had to get it. I am humbled to receive such a gift, not necessarily the magnet itself, but the message that I must be sending out for her to think she had to get it for me. She thought of me and scattering joy. Together. How cool.
It is my intention to scatter joy and it is my intention to live in joy each and every day. Sometimes I am aware of my intense failure to do so. But then I remember I am human. And humans are just downright silly at times.
I suppose I 'scatter joy' better with yoga and meditation at my side.
I stopped practicing both right after Thanksgiving until the New Year. Life grabbed hold and things got crazy. Holidays, family, friends, CouchSurfers, adventures, too much drinking, too many distractions. It's interesting that in those same weeks, my head was more clouded and I was more unsure of myself than ever before. I was questioning my abilities and thinking rapid thoughts.
Maybe yoga and meditation is the last thing I need to cut out of my life.

One of my yoga teaches always ends practice with the same thing, he says, "Don't let anyone piss you off. Don't let anyone take your joy. Whatever it is in life, walk away from it. It is not worth it. Do not let anyone take your joy." And then he says, "Remember that yoga is 90% discipline and 10% dedication to simply showing up. Everything else just happens."
All of that really speaks to me each time I hear him say it. I am happy to share it here.

It is my hope that someday I will be able to scatter this joy and my love for yoga and mediation with others. I must remember to discipline myself and show up, and soak it all in so that when I am outside of the peaceful state of the mat, I may share my love with others.

I will continue to practice. And I will continue to give my love away each day. I will smile and say thank you when I wake. I will give myself to others and not hold back.

I will...
Scatter Joy.
Practice.
Be [a clearer] me. So that I may give it to you.