haiti: mesi anpil

my entire being has been transformed. yet again.. and profoundly.

my heart has been opened to a country and her people that i believe we (here in the 'first world') could learn a lot from. a country of hope and joy. a country of continued and endless faith. a country with more passion, intent and a collective vision to live better than they already are. there is an underlying constant energy flow toward improving their way of life that is very pure. very innocent in the sense that they do not let their current conditions discourage them from creating the hope for a better tomorrow.

the haitian spirit, their heart and their never-ending belief that things are going to get better only because they have the power to make them better, is like nothing i have experienced before. i have allowed this spirit to fill my core, saturate my heart and strengthen my own belief in life.

haiti is somewhere i may have never experienced if it weren't for the earthquake and yet, i find myself coming back from my first trip with the thought,

'my life would have never been complete with out those people and experiences... and i never would have known it.'

i am filled with gratitude for the things i experienced in our nine days. i have never loved something more wholly as i do that country, and i have never loved anything with my whole heart as i do her people.

We had worked for an entire year getting ready for the trip. i must say, three women in our group made it all happen every step of the way and i appreciate them very much for their hard work. our management team as a whole put countless hours and energy in to a project we knew we had to believe in. in our year of preparing, we were individuals working toward a common idea. we came back a team with a mission as deep as our hearts could grow. even feeling connected with those who did not get to experience Haiti in person. we have become a family with a common love and a desire to help the Haitian people gain skills they can use to improve their owns lives.

i am moved to tears when i think about the smiles i have seen in haiti. my heart is filled with joy and understanding when i think of the children holding my hands and looking up into mine with a giggle and a sense of satisfaction in knowing that we have connected in some unspoken way. our skin is different, our language is different, our economical status is different and yet there is some underlying understanding that we are all the same. we share the same thought, the same love in our hearts for the people around us and in our own lives.

until now, i have been lost. three years of purposeful lost-ness. intentionally wandering, looking for light and love and strength in this beautiful world. looking for understanding and meaning in crowded classrooms or bars where all i felt was an aching abandon in my own heart. a longing to fill the empty space that sat in my chest, a sense of wanting to understand what it was i was supposed to be doing in the eyes of God and the heart of mother nature in this world. why was my being created? why was i brought up in a loving family, in the midst of this crazy place we call the world? what was it that ached inside me, yearning for something more? longing for purpose and meaning and truth and light.

i have found this is haiti.

i have found truth in my belief in my being and in my mission. i have been reassured that i am on the right path and that my true reward will come when i am giving, not receiving. because when you give, you receive more than you could have ever imagined and that is enough to fill the spirit of ten thousand men... or just one girl from portland, oregon. :)

haiti is the beginning. i have found reassurance in my dreams in the eyes of the people i have been touched by in haiti. i have come back with a greater sense that what i am trying to do is right. for the last few years i have been very intentional in the way i was learning and growing. i knew that i was doing every thing so i could get to this point (and this will never stop).

I was intentionally lost so that i could find myself.

it is only the beautiful beginning of a life of passionate service work. i welcome it fully and i thank haiti for clarifying this dream and opening the gates to my nirvana.

i have never felt as if i was doing anything so right as what i am doing now. my life is filled with a purpose i have been actively searching for for three years, and subconsciously my entire life.

(your first Creole lesson, mesi anpil= thank you very much.)