em:barking on what is 'up'

and now, a p-p-poem of sorts::

and now we embark, yet again
seemingly falling, crashing perhaps
but maybe we are just turned right side up and are actually falling toward the sky
and all the possibilities only 'up' can manifest.

she hung upside-down long enough
she began to believe she could walk on the sky.

today's possibilities are endless
worry less.

i am currently sitting outside in the sun, with leggings and a t-shirt on... In February... In Portland, Oregon.

What? wonderful.

Let's all just pause a moment and smile. Laugh. Hug the Earth and thank the Universe and all her power for giving us this day.

i am also currently unemployed. as of yesterday. and i've never been happier or more okay with a decision in my life. that was a hard ledge to jump off of. but, i trust that i have a parachute of some sort strapped to my back because i'm already off the edge!

i have been completely trapped for months. tied to a job i absolutely hated because it paid the bills. it was making me feel stifled, angry, resentful, bitter, tired, sloth-like and moody. that's a lot of shit i am not used to feeling. and for months, these feelings put me to bed at night and woke me up in the morning.

my soul needed a way out. it had been calling to me for so long to feed it with something worth feeling. something worth doing. something worth waking up in the morning for (not that my life and my loved ones aren't enough for that- but it needed more).

i don't enjoy admitting that my feelings were massively tied to a place of employment, but it's the truth. and for a lot of us, it's the truth.

WAKE UP is what it called to me. take a leap.

no, i don't know if i'll be okay.

no, i don't have any money.

and no, i don't know if my decision was the right one.

but what i do know it was imperative that i gave it a shot. i am trusting the universe today and every day. i am working on dis-attaching myself to the things that make this crazy society spin. i am revolting in joy and in faith.

i am loving and nurturing my soul. and it's awesome.

thank you.

i love this journey!

thankyou::

james & stacey kirkham: for living the kind of love, faith and strength that people strive for their entire lives.

brother: with out you i would not be me. not even close to it.

jenny: for having the same soul i do. there are almost no words to express my gratitude toward your being.

mike: for turning (almost) everything in to a joke but not being afraid to have a meaningful conversation. for believing in the things i attempt to accomplish.

molly: for always, with out fail, for ever and ever, making me laugh. and for being a very, very good adventure buddy.

mason: for yoga (i know you are also going to want me to thank you for being the funniest person on planet earth, so thank you for always being a huge goofball).

andrew & joanna: for inspiring me to be in love and travel around the world only to see it through each other's eyes. for allowing me to continue to believe that it is possible. never forget how special that is.

oliver(bestie): for being truly the best, even from a million miles away.

oli: for your cup of tea cravings, your ridiculous english banter, your endless humor and childlike spirit. for your belief in the universe. and truly just for being you. you amaze me and make me smile. always.

samantha(fargo): for your accent you didn't know you have and for always asking questions. i believe in who you are becoming, i hope you can believe in it a little more, too. because in some way, you make me believe in who i am.

alexa, my littlest friend: for showing me what a good soul is like. for allowing me to be Broken Open and for dancing with the beautiful rhythm of life like no one else i have ever met.

katherine: for missed phone calls and longest voicemails ever. for your strength and dedication. and for your continued friendship and your everlasting belief in who i am.

alysha: for morning coffees and happy hour dates and always making time for our friendship. for knowing that it is important to know God.

kosta: for continuing to see me even when i am no longer there.

tobias: for always catching me on a day when i could use a joke. and always, always, having a joke for everything.

vicky: for having the most gracious and kindest heart of anyone i have ever had the pleasure of meeting.

kim hess: for always being on my mind. i love your spirit.

if i have not mentioned someone it is not because i do not love you. in fact, i really do love just about everyone... i have just felt the need to write about these people now, for their recent and continued love and support. and for always being on my mind.

love is simple when you have found souls like these. the family that encourages me to be a better person.

we as people, friends, lovers, ex-whatevers, cousins, etc. do not;

talk enough,

smile enough,

say bless you to strangers enough,

listen to our hearts enough,

look at each other in the eyes enough,

allow ourselves to truly feel enough,

say thank you enough.

love more. love always. love now.

Your own best Self::

I should start this post, and all my posts, out by saying that no one is perfect. That is the beauty of the human spirit. I write a lot about "how we should be" and "how to be a good person." I am not always a good person, I am not perfect. But at least I can admit that and I am always trying to learn and improve. No one can ever be perfect, so we should all just try to be good, honest people to each other and ourselves. [This is just a little disclaimer as I don't want people thinking that I think I am better than anyone else out there! Cuz I ain't! We're all just different, and we're all just superheroes dressed in regular clothes.]

I have a habit of writing on my walls with permanent marker. Something I don't think my father is too happy about, but nonetheless he can appreciate the message. That and he's dealt with my "off-beat flow" for some time now... I figure writing straight on the walls is the most permanent way I can express myself. It is my brain's thought process in the raw.

Every time I walk out of my bedroom I look at the words I've written: "Be a good person, today."
Be a good person, TODAY. This is all we have to worry about.
Where ever you go, there you are.
And if you are striving to be a good person in that moment, you are living an honest life.

One should always strive to be their own best self.
We are human. Leave room for error, false judgment and occasional let down.
Leave room for hurt feelings and misunderstandings.
But always know WHAT and WHO you want to be.
Always Question.
Praise yourself with self respect and hold yourself to high standards. This shows confidence and faith in your inner being. This shows your unconditional love for thy self.
Ask yourself constantly how you can do better, do good.

Are you the man or woman you would be proud of?

Often times we find a path to our own best self, through something or someone, and we fear it.
It is a step up. A rise to another level, almost as if you are being called upon (by yourself, of course) to take that step.
It is easy to shy away from being a better self. It is not the easiest path and some will not allow themselves to go forward on it. For whatever reason; guilt, fear, laziness, some cannot take that leap.
Out of fear, many people choose to avoid the path, ignoring the challenge. They are left weakened by a state of mind that can trap and dissolution.
And for a time, this path works, because it is easy. Floating.

But the call to take the path to your own best self will rise within you again. You can ignore it. You can drown it out or run the other way, but it will always find you through other circumstances, people and challenges.
One must give up the contented to move to the extraordinary. One must make the change and take the leap!

Who gives a fuck, it's scary as hell but it's the only way to LIVE THIS LIFE BEAUTIFULLY.
We must change the way we think in order to strive for something better.

We must be the deciders of our own fate.
We must always think on how we can be our OWN BEST SELF.

More Love.
More graditude.
More joy.

Your heart doesn't lie. It will tell you what you need to know, you just have to decide if you are going to listen to it.

In striving to be "good," everything becomes so simple. So real.
No one can be their own best self all the time. Leave room for this in your life and lives of others. Trying is the key.

We will stumble and fall.
We will lose our way and feel confused.
We will need to ask for help and for forgiveness along the way. And we must trust that the people who love us will give us such things.

This continuing journey will not be easy, but it will be best.
To strive for goodness, fairness... To search for righteousness.
To be our own best self and constantly question what that is.

Our own best self is no one elses.