em:barking on what is 'up'

and now, a p-p-poem of sorts::

and now we embark, yet again
seemingly falling, crashing perhaps
but maybe we are just turned right side up and are actually falling toward the sky
and all the possibilities only 'up' can manifest.

she hung upside-down long enough
she began to believe she could walk on the sky.

today's possibilities are endless
worry less.

i am currently sitting outside in the sun, with leggings and a t-shirt on... In February... In Portland, Oregon.

What? wonderful.

Let's all just pause a moment and smile. Laugh. Hug the Earth and thank the Universe and all her power for giving us this day.

i am also currently unemployed. as of yesterday. and i've never been happier or more okay with a decision in my life. that was a hard ledge to jump off of. but, i trust that i have a parachute of some sort strapped to my back because i'm already off the edge!

i have been completely trapped for months. tied to a job i absolutely hated because it paid the bills. it was making me feel stifled, angry, resentful, bitter, tired, sloth-like and moody. that's a lot of shit i am not used to feeling. and for months, these feelings put me to bed at night and woke me up in the morning.

my soul needed a way out. it had been calling to me for so long to feed it with something worth feeling. something worth doing. something worth waking up in the morning for (not that my life and my loved ones aren't enough for that- but it needed more).

i don't enjoy admitting that my feelings were massively tied to a place of employment, but it's the truth. and for a lot of us, it's the truth.

WAKE UP is what it called to me. take a leap.

no, i don't know if i'll be okay.

no, i don't have any money.

and no, i don't know if my decision was the right one.

but what i do know it was imperative that i gave it a shot. i am trusting the universe today and every day. i am working on dis-attaching myself to the things that make this crazy society spin. i am revolting in joy and in faith.

i am loving and nurturing my soul. and it's awesome.

thank you.

i love this journey!

Your own best Self::

I should start this post, and all my posts, out by saying that no one is perfect. That is the beauty of the human spirit. I write a lot about "how we should be" and "how to be a good person." I am not always a good person, I am not perfect. But at least I can admit that and I am always trying to learn and improve. No one can ever be perfect, so we should all just try to be good, honest people to each other and ourselves. [This is just a little disclaimer as I don't want people thinking that I think I am better than anyone else out there! Cuz I ain't! We're all just different, and we're all just superheroes dressed in regular clothes.]

I have a habit of writing on my walls with permanent marker. Something I don't think my father is too happy about, but nonetheless he can appreciate the message. That and he's dealt with my "off-beat flow" for some time now... I figure writing straight on the walls is the most permanent way I can express myself. It is my brain's thought process in the raw.

Every time I walk out of my bedroom I look at the words I've written: "Be a good person, today."
Be a good person, TODAY. This is all we have to worry about.
Where ever you go, there you are.
And if you are striving to be a good person in that moment, you are living an honest life.

One should always strive to be their own best self.
We are human. Leave room for error, false judgment and occasional let down.
Leave room for hurt feelings and misunderstandings.
But always know WHAT and WHO you want to be.
Always Question.
Praise yourself with self respect and hold yourself to high standards. This shows confidence and faith in your inner being. This shows your unconditional love for thy self.
Ask yourself constantly how you can do better, do good.

Are you the man or woman you would be proud of?

Often times we find a path to our own best self, through something or someone, and we fear it.
It is a step up. A rise to another level, almost as if you are being called upon (by yourself, of course) to take that step.
It is easy to shy away from being a better self. It is not the easiest path and some will not allow themselves to go forward on it. For whatever reason; guilt, fear, laziness, some cannot take that leap.
Out of fear, many people choose to avoid the path, ignoring the challenge. They are left weakened by a state of mind that can trap and dissolution.
And for a time, this path works, because it is easy. Floating.

But the call to take the path to your own best self will rise within you again. You can ignore it. You can drown it out or run the other way, but it will always find you through other circumstances, people and challenges.
One must give up the contented to move to the extraordinary. One must make the change and take the leap!

Who gives a fuck, it's scary as hell but it's the only way to LIVE THIS LIFE BEAUTIFULLY.
We must change the way we think in order to strive for something better.

We must be the deciders of our own fate.
We must always think on how we can be our OWN BEST SELF.

More Love.
More graditude.
More joy.

Your heart doesn't lie. It will tell you what you need to know, you just have to decide if you are going to listen to it.

In striving to be "good," everything becomes so simple. So real.
No one can be their own best self all the time. Leave room for this in your life and lives of others. Trying is the key.

We will stumble and fall.
We will lose our way and feel confused.
We will need to ask for help and for forgiveness along the way. And we must trust that the people who love us will give us such things.

This continuing journey will not be easy, but it will be best.
To strive for goodness, fairness... To search for righteousness.
To be our own best self and constantly question what that is.

Our own best self is no one elses.

What is Happiness?

Wow friends... It's been a while! Can't believe it's been since February! Does that mean that nothing has really been post worthy or that I've been slacking on good updates? Ha, maybe a little of both but I am back to writing evermore.

I have learned a lot in the past few months. A lot about life. A lot about love. And a lot about appreciation, perspective and genuine compassion.

Appreciation:: People are always extending some helpful hand or words, a listening ear, or a comforting hug. And I think we tend to take this for granted, especially coming from the people closest to us. Never forget to appreciate these gestures.

Perspective:: Things in life may seem hard but there are always harder things. Some people may have it better or worse or just different but we all must remember that everyone goes through things where they could use a comforting hug. Keeping perspective of people's situations and the world around you is essential in your happiness and the happiness of the world.

Compassion:: Loving will never stop. Compassion will never leave this world. I encourage everyone to contemplate on the love in their lives and then extend it a little more. To someone who may need it but who you may not really know or understand. Everything comes full circle and this world flows a little easier when people are giving and true to their good nature. Learn to love fully or the heart will be wasted. The problem with this is that it tends to hurt more. But we must think, the suffering is worth the end result; fully experiencing.

Happiness:: I have found that when the pen is flowing, with words or drawings, my mind feels free of the world's suffering. The creative energy takes over and everything falls into place. When my pen is moving I cease to feel sorry for myself, to think badly about others, to over analyze and pick apart situations. Everything becomes clear. Everything becomes happy. It's almost as if I see the world, my world and my surroundings just as simply as they should be and it all makes sense.

Music, live music in particular, seems to have a similar effect. I went to a show last night of which I have waited years to see this artist live. I chose to go alone. When I told this to a friend before the concert, she could hardly believe that I would be doing such a thing by myself. I just thought it was another something I wanted to do and the fear or self-conciousness of being alone is not going to stop me from doing, seeing or experiencing anything. So I went. And I listened to the opening band, of which I bought a CD! I have never done that! But as I was listening, I felt the loosening up of everything inside. All of the negativity and the stress and the sorrow of anything that has ever happened. It slowly went away as my legs started to shake to the beat. I found myself in a room with 200 strangers with a smile on my face and the happiest honest feeling I have felt for some time. Something was coming alive. As John Butler came out on stage I couldn't help but jump up and down with excitement. And as the first chord of the first song was played I felt my heart lift into another world.

Not everyone gets this from music or writing. And not everyone will understand this. But I do know that everyone has something in their own lives that takes them to this place. That something that makes them this happy. Almost blissful, I guess. You know what it is, or maybe you don't and you're striving to find it. But I do know that it is out there. And it will make you feel good.

Writing again is hugely gratifying for me. It is something that gets pushed out of the way for work, love and other obligations. This is completely my fault and something no one else can do or not do for me. And it is something, for me, that should not be let go of. I have the complete set of my past journals and have been meaning to look back through them for a while now. They provide inspiration and advice into situations where I feel I have lost my way or need a boost. For those of you who know my "little black books," you know what I am talking about. The constant drawing with my four colors of pens, my note taking and quote writing, my silly little aspirations, hopes and dreams, and my heart and soul through tough times. Sometimes when we are going through something rough, we forget that we've probably felt a similar way before. It may not be as "bad" or "hard," etc. but we've all had to pick ourselves up and continue toward the ever changing dream of being our BEST SELVES.

For me, my best self is a culmination of everything in those little black journals. It is who I truly am, who I want to be and the things I admire about this world. Oh the miracles of this world! Let us never loose sight of that! Embracing the miracle of life is, essentially, what happens when I find myself unable to stop my fingers from typing, or unable to hold still to the sound of live music. You feel it in your bones and there is nothing more invigorating than understanding all of the happiness of the world just by doing or hearing something you love.

Love. It's what makes the world go 'round. God's love keeps the trees green. The heart's love is what feeds the mouths of the hungry and lets the weak rest in the care of good hands. Love and compassion for plants, animals and peoples alike is the love of the world.

Excuse me! I am starting to digress. Although, I once talked to my best friend about digression and if it was a bad or a good thing. I don't believe there is anything wrong with an "ADD" brain at all! It shows excitement. The digressive path allows you to think and feel and share so deeply all of your thoughts and loves. In my opinion, it lets the ideas loose so that they are there to be picked up and talked about or saved for another day. Digression is FEELING. It is loving. It is excitement for everything good in this world. And wanting to share that world with others.

So... Back to writing. I have said for a long time that I want to write a book. Or something along those lines. Not a novel but more of a book of inspiration. A book of Truth. A book of following one's path, being the best true self one can be. Being lost in this world and loving it and not going at it alone! The problem is; I just haven't done it. My excuse is; I just don't know how to start it. So, I am going to try because writing and inspiring and taking life's experiences and throwing them at other people is what makes me a happy person.

If I am happiest writing, I am a writer.
If I am happiest drawing, I am an artist.
If I am happiest singing, I am the best damn singer there ever was.

This is the Truth in life. This is how you find your happiness. Don't get all worked up into what you're supposed to be. Listen to the Truth and be what you WANT to be. Because I guarantee you, YOU ARE ALREADY IT. It is in there somewhere, it is our job to carry it out.

One of my favorite quotes is, "You were put here for a reason, Find what that reason is and do it." (Unknown)
To me this is simple. It is a given. To find what that is and do it is ultimately going feed the soul and make us more happy people.

And what is the point of all of it? We don't know need to search for the answer to this question. We get one shot, we better make sure we're happy enough to enjoy it. The point of LIFE is HAPPINESS. Love is happiness. Truth is happiness.

So I vow to write more, read more, draft a book, and stay true to the things and people I love and believe in.
And I love you all.