'thank you'

i have always been profoundly affected by people's words and actions towards me. sometimes i don't think people know how much they affect me. i, and many others, have been given advice and read many times that one should not worry about what others think, feel or say. that we should not be affected by what others choose to do. i personally don't know how to do that. only when it concerns me, am i affected, but i am affected nonetheless. maybe that's a good thing and maybe that's bad thing. i don't know. all i know is that people have a great deal of effect on me. i have never changed the way i am for anyone, and i never would. but i think all normal humans give thought to the words of others.

sometimes we deserve the way we are treated. and sometimes we don't. it is a mystery why certain things happen to us when we feel as though we do not deserve them.

but right now i am mainly concerned with the love and understanding people have shown to me in my lifetime. sometimes i think the words 'thank you' are simply just not enough. how do those two words express the gratitude i feel in my heart for a positive, inspiring or uplifting comment by a friend or stranger? positive thought, action and acknowledgment mean so much more than one generally gives thought to.

it's a similar thought to the idea that the words 'i love you' could never express what that truly feels like. only by being madly, passionately and stupidly in love, showing that through words and actions, throwing out all judgement and breaking down all walls, can one convey their message. and sometimes you don't even know if that truly tells the love story of your soul. so how can a simple 'thank you' express the way i feel towards many, many people in my life? i don't know. i don't know where to begin. i have an overwhelming amount of love for the people i've been blessed to cross paths with, and it is hard for me to forget any. there have been so many small and seemingly insignificant run-ins that i will truly never forget. there have also been very big events that have occurred over the years and i am so thankful for people's love and support through all of it, good and bad. it's like i say i am interested in 'the little things in life, the big things in life.' and others have had a profound effect on all things in my life.

i received a little boy today. well, a picture of a little boy. back in january i did work with an organization called living water international. i took a two week challenge and abstained from drinking anything but water for two weeks, raising awareness and money to build water wells in third world countries where they have no access to clean water. after all was said and done, $1,085 later (a HUGE thank you to everyone who pitched in, my heart is filled ever bigger because of you) i suggested the houston based organization increase it's presence in the pacNW. this is now in the works and an office will open in late spring of 2011. :) i have been asked to stay involved and have received only a few emails from the directors thanking me and giving me small updates on the projected move. today, i received a hand-written card thanking me for wanting to help with the move and transition and a 3x5 snapshot, taken personally by my director, of a little el salvadorian boy drinking clean water from a well that was recently dug in his village. this picture is, yes friends, worth a thousands words. a thousands thank you's, a thousand hugs, a thousand tears of gratitude and joy. this picture will (again) forever change my life. i will see these children in person one day and help build wells in their villages and teach hygiene classes to their peers. i will thank them profusely for coming into my life and they will do the same. each one of us never really knowing the true impact we've had on the other.

people will treat you shitty. people you love will hurt you. you will not deserve this but it will happen. now i know that all that matters is that i let people know how much they mean to me and try to convey how thankful i am. i will continue to fill my own heart with gratitude through my love for others. i will always look at this little boy drinking this clean water and think, 'thank you for coming into my life.'

[the photo above is Elsal, the little boy i was sent in the mail. all info regarding living water international can be found on their site: http://www.water.cc/ please visit to get involved]