hello! new year : new energy

2010; you have been an interesting one.. a lot has changed since we welcomed you with drunken arms on last year's NYE.

you have given me a completely new perspective on life. and on my Self.
you have given me some of the hardest times i have ever gone through,
and you have changed me for the better.
you have beat me up and spit me out only to show me that i can do anything.

you have opened my eyes to a whole new world. a bigger and better world.
you have helped me form great memories, with wonderful people,
and you have given me the time to dedicate myself to my passion.

i thank you for helping me to see what is truly important in life; my friends and family, my believers and encouragers. my times with them spent laughing and crying were some of the best and worst. but all individually inspiring.

i thank you for helping me to understand the true meaning of the words i read so long ago [Service above Self]
after pondering and thinking and applying this concept for countless hours i have now fully developed it to be the main concept and belief in my life.

i have given more love than ever before and i will continue to do so. it is no secret the world needs more of it. i will never give up, it will never stop.

i have danced with you, 2010, in the depths of great thought and positive action and in a very different way then i ever have before.
i have learned so much over many months about what it means to be human and what it means to be real. what it means to truly feel, and what it means to be truly thankful for God and love itself.
you have broken me open and made me whole,
and you have humbled me.
you have tested me.
and i have woken up day after day with a greater sense of who i am at my core and what i should be doing with my great heart.

at times you have made me want to give up
you have left me very confused, very lost and very hurt.
you have given me my one and only regret of my entire life; the feeling that i have not been my true self in an important situation.
you have given me the time to learn and understand that i assume too much.
and that i am too hard on myself.

and all i can say is; 2010 i thank you for not being easy. you have made me a better person.

now, here's to hoping 2011 brings as many spiritually-inspiring opportunites, because i am never done learning, but maybe in a few nicer packages :)
cheers.

the good ones

the ones we know are real are the ones who choose to stick by us through anything. they see our love and beauty even through our crying eyes.
throughout our lifetimes we will feel as though we owe a great deal to these ones, yet we will never know exactly how to repay them.
all we can do is never give up. never stop spreading the love. never let your own heart grow weary of truth.
the ones who never give up on us are the ones who nourish our soul. they are the ones who let us know we are loved.
on our worst day, these are the ones who are there to let us know that someone still believes in us. they let us know that someone will always love us. and that they still see the goodness in our hearts, no matter what has happened.
we are the fortunate ones for having such angels in our lives.

i am much different

i am much different than i was six months ago.

more gentle and kind,
more strong and sure.

more understanding and more compassionate,
deeper and more appreciative.

more directed and centered,
calm and loving.

i understand much more of my purpose and mission.
i understand much more.

i care more,
in a very truthful way.
manipulation and insincerity have no place in my heart,
i want to be good and spread goodness to people i touch.

all i am is me.
all i ever will be is this little girl who stands before you,
honest and sensitive,
heartfelt and true.

i seek the right,
and dream with the wild.

i believe in the universe,
after being broken open.

i trust my heart much more,
and i see my faults,
i know i am not perfect,
i understand nobody is.

i am much different,
and i am the same.

it is simple to me

love requires attention, constant work. it is never going to be easy.
people, men and woman, are all unique, simply different, and that difference is always going to stand in the way of the easy road.
taking the easy road for love never existed because that is not true love.
loving someone takes effort, responsibility, compassion.
you have to decide to love someone. the feelings alone won't take you to the end.
people fall in and out of love all the time, it's about never truly giving up that matters.
it's about never saying the words, 'i quit.'
it's about doing what you can to look at that person and simply know how much they mean to you.
love is and always will be hard.
but it's rewards are unfathomable. something greater than anything we can receive.
love is God's gift to us here on earth.
that gift can be difficult to give and receive at times but it is always there in the choices we make.

"...they all seemed to know something God knows: that we are sent here to love each other and to help each other- that our lives are about each other." (Elizabeth Lesser, Broken Open)

love is.

blue : dreams

there are many things we wish we would have said.
things that would have been better in the moment.
but things we only think of well after the real moment has passed.

there are many things we wish we would not have said.
things said out of haste, out of confusion, out of hurt feelings and love.
often times we find ourselves rethinking the patterns of what happened and reproducing them, only in our heads, as what we wish would have happened.
and this is all we can do for the moments have passed and the only moment we now hold is the one we are in.

regret is not the word.
only the wish to have been stronger or more clear headed during the moments.
nothing ever seems to come out right when we are looking into another's eyes.
hurt fills the heart in ways that don't make sense,
ways that cloud and justify actions that are not normally justifiable.
love confuses and leaves us with nothing but the want to say the perfect thing,
but always with the reality of saying it upside down.

there are many things we wish we would have said or not said.
this may always be true.
sometimes things don't come out right.
the only hope is that we have bore our souls and will be understood through a look and a feeling in the heart, rather than through our chosen words.

WriteON::

On November One I set out to write a book.
I had no expectations of what this book would be about, if I would even enjoy this huge task I signed up for or if I would finish. I refrained from even forming any expectations in my own head about this project, such as it's "good" factor when all was said and done or if it would even be "readable." I simply thought, "I shall write and write and write and see where it takes me."

It took me in a direction that I never thought it would. Or rather, in a direction I secretly knew it would take me but had been scared to give in to before. I found that my writing took me back to the beginning of my transformation into who I am now, it lead me down my own path and deep down into the corners of my heart I have tried (unsuccessfully) to cut off. Oddly enough, writing became not only an escape from living in my own head, but at the same time the biggest magnifying glass ever into who I am and why I am that way. I experienced things all over again, thought long and hard about my interactions and experiences in this beautiful world and got to know myself outside of my self.

I started jokingly calling it "free therapy" and in a way that is what it turned out to be. Just a reflection on everything that has happened to me and how I have tried to let it positively effect and change me for the better. I wrote about hard times and I how I have let them break me open into being a more kind and loving soul (the opposite of what certain events could have done) and I wrote about the greatest and most meaningful experiences in my life. I found that I wrote a lot about feeling one with the world and centering myself into a certain loving-kindness.

We exist for a reason and it is to be good to one another, to be loving and courageous, gorgeous and mindful. We exist to love and to spread love and to believe in love and to fulfill our life's passion. We exist to be great, we exist to be kind. We exist to smile and to hug and to forget about the past and live Now, with each other, in harmony as much as possible.

We exist to love.
We exist to do good and be great.

Many people have asked to read my "book" which is actually a little frightening. I guess I could say I bared my soul and put everything down on paper that exists in my head. It is scary to think that someone may actually want to read about who you really are.

I will post some of it here, on my blog, but this month-long madness of a project they call Nanowrimo has greatly helped to pave the way for writing and publishing my first real book. You can all buy a copy whenever it comes out so you can read my heart, and I can say I sold at least ten copies :)

i don't think i'd survive without that ringin' in my ears.

where would we be, if we weren't here?

Family and my Soul

Life when I was a child was insurmountably perfect. I operated under the belief that nothing could ever go wrong. No, more like simply, nothing was wrong. I don’t know if I was sheltered from bad things, maybe they were never talked about because I am sure they existed, or maybe I truly lived in a dream world where everyday was perfect. What I do know is that I look back on that childhood and realize that, more than anything, I am incredibly lucky.
I do not want to question if I was sheltered from the storm or told lies to protect my innocence, because to be truly honest, I am grateful for it if it were the case. I am an unbreakable machine of light and love because of that childhood. And I look at the world through positive eyes and with the happiest of hearts because of that childhood.
Every day was perfect and every experience was good. I do not remember sadness or difficulty as a child. I grew up in an ideal family, one that had everything but the white picket fence out the front. My older brother has always been my best friend, my mother and father have always been in the deepest of loves, and my dog was like one of the kids. We hardly ever fought and there were never enough hours in the day to play. My mother and father have believed in my brother and I since the day we were born, the communication was always open and the strict structure of family life was non-existent. God was never pushed on us, my father always believed that we would find our own faith, someway, somehow, no matter how far a long the line it would be, it would happen when and how it should.
My days were filled with laughter and play, creative time and movie sessions with the whole family. My cousins would always come to stay and my brother and I were the coolest kids in the neighborhood because we had a huge pool in the backyard. I grew up surrounded with the best of support systems one could ever ask for and was always told I would be something great.
My life as a child was perfect. And my life now continues to be perfect, only in a more mixed up way, a more complicated existence that only comes with growing up and becoming more complicated and intermixed with the world around you. I continue to lead a simple life in my heart but the world around me does not reflect the same. And consequently, I find myself swimming in the middle of what feels like something too big for me to comprehend. Sometimes I think the only thing I understand in this world is God. I guess that’s not so much of a bad thing but I feel so alone when there is nothing to grab on to in this life.
I do not wish to go back to my “perfect” childhood. In fact, I want nothing more than to continue on the path I have chosen for this day and tomorrow’s day. That is all that matters to me now, but I hold the memories of my perfect childhood close in my heart and let them comfort my soul when I feel lost.
In a way, I don’t think my perfect childhood has ever really gone away. I think I am still living it, only in grown up shoes with more responsibility and more of an idea of what sadness is. Nothing can shake my core though and those are the moments I truly believe that that perfect, happy little girl that still lives inside me. I don’t think she will ever go away and I pray to my God that she doesn’t. I need her. I believe in her because she believes in the innocence of the world. She believes in the trees and the moon, she believes that her father is the most incredible hero she has ever known and she believes her mother is the mother of the world. She knows the soul of her brother and knows that he is Glory Bound. She knows that she will make it through this and do it damn well.
I love that little girl because she reminds of the things I could easily forget. I do not want to forget her as I believe others have forgotten themselves. I never want that child to leave for then I know this life will be lost on me. I long to forever see the world through the eyes of that child and if I am continually reminded of her and the toughness that is wrapped around her core, I know everything will always be okay.
That little girl is the love of this world. I will forever dance in the sun and revel in her simple existence for she is what it means to be free and Good.
My childhood was perfect, and in a way, so is my adolescent-hood. And this is how I know I am always going to find that Something Greater that is always out there. When I feel as though I am faltering, when I feel as though the world is crashing down around me, I think of that little girl playing in the field with her big brothers, wanting nothing more than to laugh and play and love all day, and I am reminded of what this existence is all about.
It’s not about money or cars or showing skin and getting famous. It is about the love in your heart and the intentions of your soul. I pray that others still have a connection with their younger selves, and if they don’t, I pray that they will find it again someday.
There is a picture of me as a small child standing in my back yard wearing little red cowboy boots, a jean skirt, tank top over shirt, random jewelry and my hair frizzed out everywhere, I had obviously dressed myself that morning as all four year olds love to do. I am swinging a golf club the size of my body and laughing. That picture is my soul. And that little girl will never be forgotten. She was happy and perfect, beautiful with an insatiable appetite to learn about the world. She is the love of the world that I continue to learn about day in and day out.
Because of that little girl, I will continue to believe that I am living a perfect existence for the rest of my life.


[This is an excerpt from the book I am writing for National Novel Writer's Month]

THINK WITH YOUR HEART
HAVE A MISSION
PLAN AHEAD
QUESTION EVERYTHING
LISTEN
COLLABORATE
ASSUME NOTHING
STUDY THE PAST
KEEP IT SIMPLE
COMMUNICATE
DRAW A DIAGRAM
NEVER SELL OUT
PUSH HARDER
SAY WHAT YOU MEAN
BE OPEN
ROLL UP YOUR SLEEVES
DREAM
WELCOME CHANGE
ADD VALUE
AIM HIGHER
FOSTER INTUITION
DO MORE WITH LESS
LAUGH
INNOVATE
THINK SIDEWAYS
FOCUS
MEAN WHAT YOU SAY
TAKE IT TO THE EDGE
RELAX
BREATHE
STAY HIGH FREQUENCY!

yes!
thankyoubrothereric.

believe

what do you do when there is nothing to do but believe in yourself?

believe in yourself always.
believe in God forever.
believe in love because you have to.

there are a lot of good things happening each day. working toward a bigger goal, a better way of life for others. the contentedness of my heart leads me to believe that i am doing just fine. a new faith and a clearer vision have led me to truly believe in the grace of God and the goodness that i am called upon to move with throughout this b e a u t i f u l existence.

life is good. because everything is following the path it is supposed to. i am confident in this.

but sometimes i wish i did not feel so much. i do not wish to feel what others have given me. all things are brought to a person as they should be, with reason and purpose. so, without being regretful of anything i want to not remember certain things. i want to have things taken back. someone else can have them, for they may have never been truly meant for my heart. with no explanation and with no heart, with no human consciousness whatsoever, my heart is easily ignored.

with the good of this world, my world, there is bad. there is confusion and there is sorrow. and someone else may have those too. so today i am giving it all back. and only keeping in my heart the truth of what everything means. i am giving back what sometimes i feel i didn't deserve. but i only know i never have to ask 'why me?' for i already believe that there is a greater meaning to everything. with the pain of experience comes the search for something greater. i am constantly searching for Something Greater, and always finding it.

forgive. and be grateful. if for nothing else but your own heart. know that your world would not be the same with out each and every experience, no matter how difficult or how grand.

i already know i am human, capable of feeling to the depths of my soul. that has already been tested. and from now on, i only wish for goodness.

'thank you'

i have always been profoundly affected by people's words and actions towards me. sometimes i don't think people know how much they affect me. i, and many others, have been given advice and read many times that one should not worry about what others think, feel or say. that we should not be affected by what others choose to do. i personally don't know how to do that. only when it concerns me, am i affected, but i am affected nonetheless. maybe that's a good thing and maybe that's bad thing. i don't know. all i know is that people have a great deal of effect on me. i have never changed the way i am for anyone, and i never would. but i think all normal humans give thought to the words of others.

sometimes we deserve the way we are treated. and sometimes we don't. it is a mystery why certain things happen to us when we feel as though we do not deserve them.

but right now i am mainly concerned with the love and understanding people have shown to me in my lifetime. sometimes i think the words 'thank you' are simply just not enough. how do those two words express the gratitude i feel in my heart for a positive, inspiring or uplifting comment by a friend or stranger? positive thought, action and acknowledgment mean so much more than one generally gives thought to.

it's a similar thought to the idea that the words 'i love you' could never express what that truly feels like. only by being madly, passionately and stupidly in love, showing that through words and actions, throwing out all judgement and breaking down all walls, can one convey their message. and sometimes you don't even know if that truly tells the love story of your soul. so how can a simple 'thank you' express the way i feel towards many, many people in my life? i don't know. i don't know where to begin. i have an overwhelming amount of love for the people i've been blessed to cross paths with, and it is hard for me to forget any. there have been so many small and seemingly insignificant run-ins that i will truly never forget. there have also been very big events that have occurred over the years and i am so thankful for people's love and support through all of it, good and bad. it's like i say i am interested in 'the little things in life, the big things in life.' and others have had a profound effect on all things in my life.

i received a little boy today. well, a picture of a little boy. back in january i did work with an organization called living water international. i took a two week challenge and abstained from drinking anything but water for two weeks, raising awareness and money to build water wells in third world countries where they have no access to clean water. after all was said and done, $1,085 later (a HUGE thank you to everyone who pitched in, my heart is filled ever bigger because of you) i suggested the houston based organization increase it's presence in the pacNW. this is now in the works and an office will open in late spring of 2011. :) i have been asked to stay involved and have received only a few emails from the directors thanking me and giving me small updates on the projected move. today, i received a hand-written card thanking me for wanting to help with the move and transition and a 3x5 snapshot, taken personally by my director, of a little el salvadorian boy drinking clean water from a well that was recently dug in his village. this picture is, yes friends, worth a thousands words. a thousands thank you's, a thousand hugs, a thousand tears of gratitude and joy. this picture will (again) forever change my life. i will see these children in person one day and help build wells in their villages and teach hygiene classes to their peers. i will thank them profusely for coming into my life and they will do the same. each one of us never really knowing the true impact we've had on the other.

people will treat you shitty. people you love will hurt you. you will not deserve this but it will happen. now i know that all that matters is that i let people know how much they mean to me and try to convey how thankful i am. i will continue to fill my own heart with gratitude through my love for others. i will always look at this little boy drinking this clean water and think, 'thank you for coming into my life.'

[the photo above is Elsal, the little boy i was sent in the mail. all info regarding living water international can be found on their site: http://www.water.cc/ please visit to get involved]

We choose our own path; our own greatness

I want to be so many great things.

I want to be great.

I want to make a difference in the people's lives around me.

I want to change the world. Make it a better place.

I want to continue to create my vision each and every day.

I want to know what it feels like to be loved.

I want to wake up every day and smile. And say thank you.

I want to know there is a God.

I want to feel the love of the world. The love I feel after a yoga session.

I want to be an inspiration. And be inspired.

I want to continue to believe that everyone has an incredible story and an amazing soul.

I want to understand grief and sadness and the human heart.

I want to be a success. My own idea of success.

I want to continue to be free and make my own decisions.

I want to always know that I am the creator of my destiny. I walk my own path.

I want to know about high vibrations in order to manifest only the best intentions.

I want to learn everyday and never let my mind become lazy.

I want to always play. And wag.

I want to believe in my heart again.

If it is good and true, let us never deny ourselves what we truly want or need. Let everything be simple. Listen to the intuition, for your heart already knows everything. Your greatest intentions always come from the heart. Be true. Manifest positive light and positive light will come. The key is in manifesting. Manifestation of a higher consciousness. Understanding our mission, our life's goal, our work, seems like an unknown and difficult task. But if we quiet our heart and listen, we will hear what it has been trying to tell us. The goal should be simple.

I have found mine. I have also spent the better part of three years feeling lost. And confused. Small and insignificant. I have taken a path that has only brought me the greatest of rewards and no experience of which I regret.


It is a crazy thing to stand on stage to accept your diploma on graduation day with only one thought in your head; "I don't want to do what I've gone to school for." Pretty scary. And a little disheartening. Why couldn't I just be like the kids who knew exactly what they wanted to be when they grew up? The ones that had it all figured out?

My journey was always different. And probably always will be. I am free of judgement to any other type of path chosen. I understand that everyone must go their own way, there is a point and meaning to every which way we turn. The world would not work if things were any different. But my journey, my path, was always going to be a difficult one. One I would choose to forge alone three years ago when I stepped on that plane to cross the big blue sea. I am not some crazy, irresponsible kid that just 'doesn't want to grow up and get a big kid job.' In my opinion, I am far from it. I am learning and manifesting all the time, cultivating the best of intentions and a heart of compassion. I am learning and I am experiencing what I have decided is important for my own journey. And because of it, I am who I am today. I am already dedicating myself to what I consider my life's purpose. Some people laugh at me when I say that my goal is simple, it is to help children and make the world a better place. Through choosing Service Above Self I know my own life will be enriched in the ways I long for.

I hope someday I can be an inspiration to others to do the same. Your journey won't look the same as mine, and that's fine. It just needs to be the journey that you want it to be. We only get one shot at this so let's do it right. love without fear. Love cannot and will not fail. Feel every emotion that stirs inside of you. Feel awakened by the sense of these emotions. Look at the world and learn to love every little bit of it that you can. Don't let the words of others change your heart or your attitude or your belief in anything.

Life is good. Ridiculously hard sometimes, but always good. Don't be afraid to stumble and fall. It's the only way to learn.

So I really am writing a book...

Well, I am writing, a real book. 50,000 words of "fiction" (for this project fiction can be defined as anything I want it to be, really), in one month. And I'm stoked about it!

It's not the type of book that I continue to say I am going to write. That crazy, inspirational, random piece of artwork that I will someday publish. But I figure this is an excellent way to get my creative juices flowing and my fingers writing! I am in desperate need of a challenge, something to expand my mind and push me. I want that feeling that I had back in college of having to create some good shit in a timely fashion, freaking out about meeting deadlines, winging it at 4 in the morning and then producing something and acting like your genius idea was planned from the beginning.

I want to write. I want to be inspired. I want to feel the push of creativity in my own mind.

No doubt I will write a whole lot of garbage. 50,000 words, for people who aren't journalistically savvy, is 175 pages. In 30 days. That's nearly 6 pages (or 1,665 words) per day. NaNoWriMo encourages us "novelists" (haha...) to only worry about output. Only write, do not edit. Editing is for December when the project is done with. so a whole lot of output from a crazy brain like mine might = a whole lot of crazy garbage and random and ridiculous prose.


So here's to November. And to me becoming a novelist.

http://www.nanowrimo.org/
If anyone is interested please, by all means, sign up to do this with me! =)

27: a good year

happy birthday to my champion brother.

you have always been a mentor to me. one of my biggest fans. one of my best friends. someone i look up to. a good soul. a visionary prophet. and one of very few people i have always looked at and thought, "damn i wish i was as cool as him."

i love you because in my eyes, no matter what, you're a fucking champion.

yes this is a miracle. life.

"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life..."

have no fear for givin' in
have no fear for givin' over
you better know that in the end
it's better to say too much
than to never say what you needed to say again

a serendipitous approach to life.

everything is perfect through it's inability to be... perfect.

a few months back i met two people on a plane. on this day, i will say without shame, i was feeling particularly down and sorry for myself. you see, the problem with being so observant in my own head is, i know when i am feeling sorry for myself and sometimes i let myself be aware of the emotion instead of changing it. so... on this day, while feeling sorry for myself, i was anxious to get to los angeles where my brother was waiting for me. little did i know that it would take me two more planes, a bus, one hellishly long customer service line, a tiff with a fat man (i'm sorry but that is just my way of getting back at him for being mean to me in the wee hours of the morning) and a short cap nap in a lonely hotel room in san francisco to actually get to him- just in time to "make it to the church on time" for a dear friend's wedding. if i would not have met these two people, i would have thought this was the worst journey ever (this is what happens when people start the terrible habit of feeling sorry for themselves, which always snowballs into, "my life sucks"). although i was tired and running out of patience, i had so much to contemplate. where did these two people come from and why were they sitting next me? it was awesome!

....However, in my extreme efforts to sit by the window and be as antisocial as humanly possible, i forgot one thing- my inability to be antisocial... so without cause, i (or they, i don't really remember) strike up a conversation thus turning into one inspiring hour long wait on the tarmack and two hour flight to SFO. bill and sarah, as it turns out, were having some issues with happiness in their day-to-day lives. bill working too much and hating his job, sarah loving hers but could leave it any moment for something more inspiring and upset with bill's dislike for his work, which was turning into his dislike for a lot of things. six hours prior to our meeting, sarah was fed up and said, "fine, if you could go anywhere you wanted, right now, go to the airport and get on a plane, where would you go?" bill's reply, "new zealand" .......Ahhhhhhh, and there my friends is the connection, the serendipity i find in this first meeting with two very inspiring souls (he tells me later he doesn't even really know why he said it but has always wanted to go to NZ and australia). "New Zealand?" I say... "crazy, i lived there for nearly a year, and before that australia" (insert 'holy shit' moment here'). so we start talking about life and passion and truth and wander. this turns in to conversations about true happiness and meaning, a service bigger than the self. we talk the entire plane ride and as i am leaving the plane (to find out the obvious; i've missed my connecting flight because of the delay) they are wishing me well with all my life's adventures and giving me their contact information, telling me that i have inspired them to get out there and follow their dreams, to make a difference by making a difference in their own lives!

i leave feeling refreshed. inspired. i leave with a profound sense of meaning. that i am doing the right thing. these two people have no idea who i am but they have encouraged me to follow my dream as i am trying to do. they have instilled in me a sense that i am doing it right. i am living my life the way i believe. the way i want to live it.

we will all do this differently. this living thing. but we must all do it WELL. and we must not judge the way others decide to do it, we can only hope that everyone is doing it the way they want to be doing it. living it truthfully. listening to the way their own heart speaks to them. it cannot be done any other way.

good discoveries always seem to happen by accident. it was a crazy random meeting with two people who i had seemingly no connection to. two people who end up being more like-minded to me than some of my friends. they were there as a reassurance that everything was and is happening for a reason, on a true path, just when it is supposed to be happening.
i am doing my own 'right way.' no matter how imperfect it may seem to others.

simplicity needs no title

follow your bliss

chase your dreams

you can be anything you want to be
know that you can have anything in this world you strive for, if you're willing to work hard enough for it

always support the people you believe in
because it always feels nice to know that someone supports you

believe in love

it's okay to love.
when love comes from a pure heart, nothing can be wronged by it

spread your love and gratitude, even if you don't get recognition for it.
it shouldn't be about the recognition anyway.

think kindly, always
trust that everyone you come across was sent to you for a reason
many different soul mates exist in this world. if not for one thing, they're for another.

learn to laugh alone.

love to the depths of you soul
and recognize that nobody is perfect

be you
let others be them.

have faith in the madness
revel in this miracle.

<3

ahhhh....

amen, brothers & sisters. amen.

let greatness prevail!

there are going to be hard times.
there are always going to be hard times.
we always seem to think, "oh, when this over, my life will be great" or, "if this happens then this other thing will be great, i will be so happy...." the grass is always greener and mr. jones always has a little bit more than us.
but maybe that's what "the jones'" are there for... something to strive after, someone to set the bar a little higher so we as individuals challenge ourselves to be great[er].

i am not meaning to sound pessimistic in any way. in fact, just the opposite.
maybe mr. jones is our own inner self refusing to settle for 'good.'

in hard times is CHALLENGE and in challenge we have the ability to choose GREATNESS.

i am happy and i am loving life. to love life is a choice. an active state of mind. and a lot of times the easier choice is to not love what's going on in and around our own lives. but one must stay positive and know that everything happens for a reason and even in hard times, there are wonderful things to appreciate, love and be a part of. this is the make up of what we call life. it's all over the place, it's good, it's "bad," it's confusing, it is joyous. there is no other word to describe it but; beautiful.

the odds are always against you, you may not always win.
so therefore, you must fight.
you must rise to the challenge.

You must DO whatever it is that you want to be doing.
being sad or miserable or hopeless is easy to do so you must fight the urge to get into this slump.
train your mind to be strong. keep working at this. it's an ongoing, ever-developing process.
happiness is not found with the switch of a button. it is a total and complete shift of mind and experience. it is a readiness, an openness, an understanding of a truer, greater way of life. a more pure and honest existence.

Become who you want to become. this is also, always, an ongoing process.
the greatest and worst did not become the greatest and the worst in a instant. one must always work at being great and one must always work at being wicked. the bad and good alike don't just appear, they are carefully cultivated in this ongoing process of becoming the person you want to become.
greatness must always prevail.
honesty must always have the right hand and love must always have the left.
One's thoughts, mind and heart should always point in the direction of "up."
GROW. LEARN. Learn what it is you need to become great.
Take charge of your life, don't let the worry and the hurt get you down.

You need love.
You need hope.

The only person that can pull you up is YOU.

Believe in yourself, and your abilities to accomplish anything you want.
You are great, you will be great and someone will recognize this greatness.
You will make use of the ideas in your head and the love in your heart.
but you must remember that these ideas and this love are a direct result of the awareness of this greatness. it is not of any use if it is not believed in, cultivated and mastered.

what you are supposed to be doing will be realized because you are a child of this Earth and there is a plan.
Nothing can take that away from you, but you must have continued faith in your own success.

Keep your faith in Faith and Truth, in Mankind and Mother nature.
Keep the faith in yourself and know that you are here for a reason.

You will find what it is you seek.

meditation of light

quiet your mind.
settle your heart.
feel.
and just know.


meditation for your creative desire.
let your apple juice settle for just a second and you will see a profound effect in every aspect of your life.*
everything is a manifestation of your light.
light reflecting on light. you will create your world.
sit, and think of this.
see the light. contemplate the light. appreciate the light.
sit.
relax.
do nothing.
once you learn to do this you will transcend all negative feeling.

live & love now.
be here now.
your circumstances are as they are. what they are now.

the first thing you should do in the morning when you wake is... smile.
the second: say thank you.



*(there is this story told by one of the greatest teachers on earth about how meditation is similar to 'settling apple juice.' Thich Nhat Hanh writes in his book The Sun My Heart about a time when Thuy, a little girl he is caring for, refuses to drink her apple juice because it is so cloudy. So she goes back outside to play with the other children and when she comes back in she is ever so thirsty. Thich Nhat Hanh reminds her of her wonderful, fresh squeezed apple juice and points to the glass. Thuy goes over and drinks the juice without hesitation. She asks her caretaker if it is a different glass and he explains, "no, it is not but it has sat quietly for a bit and now it's clear and delicious." Thuy responds with the question, "was it meditating like you uncle monk?")

For his actual story please refer to chapter one: sunshine and green leaves in Thich Naht Hanh's The Sun My Heart. I encourage everyone to read any and all of Thich Nhat Hanh's of publications. beautiful.

television will kill your soul. (whoa, harsh.)

i feel like i have so many ideas swimming around in my head but when i sit down to write, nothing comes out. there is too much. i cannot focus. i cannot form any actual outline or thoughtful topic. no one single discussion comes to mind because

i feel lost.

it's funny that my original blogpost was about inspiration, purpose and the confusion that these ideas or feelings can create.... instead this is what came out....

i am not going to watch television for one month. (this is random). but i have just decided. it is a complete waste of my time and for many years i did not even own a television. in fact, not having it as a lazy distraction was the best thing that ever happened to me! i remember the last time i caved and bought a $17, 12 inch tv while i was living in australia, and the only reason i bought it was because a good, old friend of mine was playing in the olympics and it was a must that i cheer her on! then, for months, it sat in the corner, unplugged, collecting dust. i actively did not turn it on.

you see, there is this idea of "complex fun" that i can really relate to. it is the idea of doing things that you love to entertain yourself during your down time but not having these things be mindless entertainment (such as tv). complex fun, for me, would be drawing, writing, arts and crafting, reading, running, creating, etc.. these things will be more fulfilling and inspiring in the long run. they will trigger happier feelings.

tv is only a way to turn your brain off, it is easy to shut down while not having to think about anything! the brain is not actively LEARNING or CREATING. WE are not actively GROWING. and think about this: how many times have we seen something beautiful or remote in nature and said, "that looks fake! it looks like something you would see in a movie" or "that looks like a picture!" ..... it is frightening that we automatically think about the replica of something, the copy of the real thing, the portrayal of something beautiful on film, not in real life.

i don't really watch that much television in the first place but now i will watch none. hopefully this experience will lend itself a creative hand in some projects i've been wanting to start for a while. procrastination will be your worst enemy in this game called life.

so, i am going to stop watchin' the tube. :) it's like lent, but not.

it's all love everywhere, baby::

I write to write.
I write to Right.
[in a manic state it just comes out. who knows what i mean by all this.]

Sometimes you just... sometimes you just... are your thoughts.


Powerful, explosive good energy.
The manifestation of all things good and true.
Of purity and kindness in the heart for the heart's of others.

The windfall.
The downfall.
The light of darkness.

And then;
The acension.
The rise.
We will all rise again.
Here and there.
Far and beyond what we know to be true.

But let's talk about our reality now.
This. is. it.
(Do you ever get tired of me repeating that one? Geeeezzz...)
But it is.
And we are here and it is damn fine.

But the beauty of this existence is that it all comes from within.
The relflection of life from life. Life on life.
Let your light manifest the world outside of you.
Everything you see, do, feel, touch.
Everything you are, will be, want to be.
Every doubt and dark day, every elated moment.
Every supression of the bad and rise of the good.
It is all a MANIFESTATION that has simply come from : You.

So yes, this is it. But really, YOU are it.
don't sit around and wait for things to happen to you..
Manifest your dreams and destiny!
MANIFESTATION PEOPLE!

::Get up and learn what there is to know so that it can be taught and you can teach it later::
we are all teachers here.
there would not be the connectivity at such high vibrational rates if we were not meant to be here for each other.
to Teach. to Help. and to always Learn.

Let the love in.
Courageous hearts are the only ones that ever get anywhere.
They are the only ones that truly feel what the love of the world feels like.
How would it feel to never feel that only because you were scared of it?

embrace Change.
always listen to where there is positive light.

I have been experiencing an extreme lack of creative force in my recent weeks. and I have decided, just right now, that that is going to change by force and positive manifestation. A person can find inspiration in many different mediums, some that can be seen, some that can only be felt, and others that are simply a spark in the mind of some sort.

inspiration is endless.
creation, powerful.

Creation comes from love. When one does not have the power to love, one cannot feel creative. This "love" can come in many many many different forms but... When one is stripped of something or someone, in love, life and death, something happens to the creative powers vested in the soul. Others would argue that the lack of love and light is the driving force of creative power. And I could agree with that, too. But you see, that still comes from love because it has spawned from the lack of love. Yeah? Yeah.

And it's all love everywhere, baby.

L o v e is not convenient,

it does not c e a s e at your command.


You might [take] or [leave] it,

but L o v e is all I am.

Beautiful. Words.

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love, for your dreams,
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched
the center of your own sorrow,
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain,
mine or your own, without moving to hide it
or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy mine or your own.
if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy
fill you to the tips of your fingers
and toes without cautioning us
to be careful, be realistic,
remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty every day,
and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon.

It doesn't interest me to know where you live,
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,
weary and bruised to the bone,
and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what
or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself,
and if you truly like the company,
you keep in the empty moments.




[I do not know where it came from. I do not know the author. All I know is that I think this poetry is lovely. Simply stunning.]

In the end: there is YOU

Will today be the day you decide that who you are as a person is much more than you've demonstrated?

Hold yourself to high standards.

So often people talk about wanting to make a change in their lives. To be a better person, avoid people or things that are bad for them, change their job or circumstance, help others... The list goes on. And so often we see people struggle with following through. They feel frustrated or overwhelmed, alone or insecure. We know we need to take action but can't seem to do it! There is a simple reason for this: they keep trying to change their behavior or outside circumstances, which is the effect, instead of dealing with the cause behind it. A person needs to explore the root of the problem before trying to fix the outside influences.

You really need to look within to know why you are hurting, or why you feel happy. Or just why things are the way they are. Life is not projected on you, you project life on life. It all comes from within. Learn to be honest with yourself and an honest life will be created. Your path will unfold. When you truly commit to making something happen, the "how" will reveal itself.

Make your life consistent with the quality of your spirit. Say to yourself: "This is who I am. This is what my life is about. This is what I am going to do. Nothing will stop me from achieving my destiny."

Don't just go with the flow of where others and your environment will take you. It is easy to float and just pass along... But let me pose this question for you: Are you really living the life you want to be living? Are you proud of your own existence, your own impression you are making on your world? When you come to a fork in the river (of life), consciously decide which way you will go.

There are no failures in life, only results. If you didn't get the results you wanted, learn from this experience so that you have references about how to make better decisions in life.
No mistakes. No regrets. Just a series of decisions that lead to the experiences you've been exposed to.

The human spirit truly is unconquerable. But the will to win, the will to succeed, to shape one's life, to take control, can only be harnessed when you decide what you want and believe that no challenge, no problem, no obstacle can keep you from it.
When you decide that, your life will ultimately be shaped not by your conditions but by your decisions. Then, in that moment, your life will change forever.

Why is it that people can experience pain yet fail to change? They haven't experienced enough pain yet; they haven't hit the emotional threshold. You have to hit a level of pain you aren't willing to settle for anymore before you can stop and say, "that's it, I've had it with this!" This is the magical moment when pain becomes our friend. It drives us to take new action and produce new results.

Life is a series of events, emotions and experiences that have come from the decisions you have made. Take nothing for granted and know that you are your only constant. Life is hard but life is good. Know in your heart that you are capable of anything. Make decisions that will produce the results you want to be a part of. Learn from the ones that don't turn out the way you thought they might. Let your pain in, so that you can eventually let it out. You must feel and truly understand the source of your pain before you can work through it. Know your emotional threshold and learn when to ask for help.

And in the end, just know this: God's delays are not God's denials.


(This post may seem a bit random. It all came from notes I'd taken while reading a particularly inspiring chapter in Tony Robbins' book 'Awaken the Giant Within.' Most are my own words, some are taken straight from the pages. Tony Robbins is an incredible teacher and inspiration in my life and the lives of many others.)

Your own best Self::

I should start this post, and all my posts, out by saying that no one is perfect. That is the beauty of the human spirit. I write a lot about "how we should be" and "how to be a good person." I am not always a good person, I am not perfect. But at least I can admit that and I am always trying to learn and improve. No one can ever be perfect, so we should all just try to be good, honest people to each other and ourselves. [This is just a little disclaimer as I don't want people thinking that I think I am better than anyone else out there! Cuz I ain't! We're all just different, and we're all just superheroes dressed in regular clothes.]

I have a habit of writing on my walls with permanent marker. Something I don't think my father is too happy about, but nonetheless he can appreciate the message. That and he's dealt with my "off-beat flow" for some time now... I figure writing straight on the walls is the most permanent way I can express myself. It is my brain's thought process in the raw.

Every time I walk out of my bedroom I look at the words I've written: "Be a good person, today."
Be a good person, TODAY. This is all we have to worry about.
Where ever you go, there you are.
And if you are striving to be a good person in that moment, you are living an honest life.

One should always strive to be their own best self.
We are human. Leave room for error, false judgment and occasional let down.
Leave room for hurt feelings and misunderstandings.
But always know WHAT and WHO you want to be.
Always Question.
Praise yourself with self respect and hold yourself to high standards. This shows confidence and faith in your inner being. This shows your unconditional love for thy self.
Ask yourself constantly how you can do better, do good.

Are you the man or woman you would be proud of?

Often times we find a path to our own best self, through something or someone, and we fear it.
It is a step up. A rise to another level, almost as if you are being called upon (by yourself, of course) to take that step.
It is easy to shy away from being a better self. It is not the easiest path and some will not allow themselves to go forward on it. For whatever reason; guilt, fear, laziness, some cannot take that leap.
Out of fear, many people choose to avoid the path, ignoring the challenge. They are left weakened by a state of mind that can trap and dissolution.
And for a time, this path works, because it is easy. Floating.

But the call to take the path to your own best self will rise within you again. You can ignore it. You can drown it out or run the other way, but it will always find you through other circumstances, people and challenges.
One must give up the contented to move to the extraordinary. One must make the change and take the leap!

Who gives a fuck, it's scary as hell but it's the only way to LIVE THIS LIFE BEAUTIFULLY.
We must change the way we think in order to strive for something better.

We must be the deciders of our own fate.
We must always think on how we can be our OWN BEST SELF.

More Love.
More graditude.
More joy.

Your heart doesn't lie. It will tell you what you need to know, you just have to decide if you are going to listen to it.

In striving to be "good," everything becomes so simple. So real.
No one can be their own best self all the time. Leave room for this in your life and lives of others. Trying is the key.

We will stumble and fall.
We will lose our way and feel confused.
We will need to ask for help and for forgiveness along the way. And we must trust that the people who love us will give us such things.

This continuing journey will not be easy, but it will be best.
To strive for goodness, fairness... To search for righteousness.
To be our own best self and constantly question what that is.

Our own best self is no one elses.

Follow your own beating Heart::

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.
Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking.
Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice.

And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.
They somehow already know what you truly want to become.
Everything else is secondary.”

One Way Ticket to Disneyland

There was a day in my life that was perfect. Or rather, looking back on it I can now say, was perfect. To be honest, most days I remember are this way, even now.

I was a young child, living carefree in this world beside my brother, mother and father. We were living in California at the time, somewhere around some beach (the details don't really matter when you're seven and all you care about is how many hours are in the day to play). My dad and I were flying a kite and he was trying to take an "artsy" photo looking up the string I held in my hands. Everything was good. Life was good.

This is the day that the family joke "A one way ticket to Disneyland" came into play as my brother and I were eating Twix bars. For some reason, (and again the details are hazy) from that day on, the Twix bar became that one way ticket to Disneyland. The Happiest Place on Earth that I have had the pleasure of visiting 25 times in my life.

I guess the story doesn't really matter. It is what I am trying to get at that does.

It is what you get in this world. It is those times. It is that joy, that eternal joy. That is what we get and we must hold on to that and appreciate it. It is in these moments that our lives are defined as perfect. Perfectly imperfect really, but it is the beauty of our moments that make up our lives.

In that one day, things could have gone differently. Something could have been better or gone more smoothly. But it is not these things we remember. Because all in all, none of that matters. It is the joy, the perfectness of that day that we remember. The little things are the details that "could have been better," but who wants to sweat the small stuff in life?

Things will not always be perfect, nor go according to the plan we have mapped out. Things will always be imperfect by nature, really. But that is what life is and that is why it is so beautiful. You can wish for someone or something to be different, but in the end, they are themselves and doing their best and we shall love them (or it) for the way that they are. Love is imperfect and always will be. It will guide us through these moments in life, these perfect days.

The beauty is in the imperfection that make all of our days a perfect miracle in this life. What life throws at you is meant to happen. It may not make sense at the time but it is perfect in plan. Taking even the hard times into consideration, if we do not remember each day as perfect, what do we have?

Crazy Little Thing Called Love::

It's funny. Tonight I had the idea of picking up the computer to write about a subject that I think we can all relate to. A subject that each and every one of us has a connection with. An emotion that can be so powerfully good or so awesomely bad.

Tonight I was going to write about love.

We have all given love, and we have all received love. We have been blessed to share this special feeling with the people we choose to surround ourselves with. But then I thought; Can love really be described? Can something that tugs at the very shoestrings of your soul be written about on paper?

I started wandering around Facebook and on other blogs that I follow and came across one from a very lovely lady who I have only had the pleasure of being around a few times. But to me, she is love because I can see it and feel it through her energy and her writing.

I grew up in a neighborhood full of boys. Now this is not to say I didn't grow up "girly." In fact, sometimes I think I am too sensitive for my own good and I let my feelings get ahead of my rationality. But give it time and I always seem to pull myself back down to the ground where I find myself standing on two feet looking out at this beautiful existence with nothing but love to give. Now, I do contribute (a lot of) my amount of loving energy to my childhood, my parents and my "brothers." Thank you Eric, mostly, for always being my big brother. And the others? Well, you know who you are and I am pretty sure you have a good idea of how you've positively influenced me. But out of these brothers of mine, I have always admired James for his determination, his "cool" and his capacity to just be his inspiring self. And I think that is why he met and married a very loving woman.

It's funny that I would sit down to write about love and sift through the blog updates in my feed to find a recent blog post of Stacey Kirkham. She writes about it so well, I will just quote her:

"as i ponder love and its meaning, i often find myself questioning if love is even the right word for the emotion i feel. is it possible to more than love someone? these thoughts led me to the dictionary...

love
[luhv]
–noun
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. affectionate concern for the well-being of another

why is "love" so hard to define? for me, love goes beyond affection, attachment, desire and concern...it reaches my soul and oozes from my pores. my love is intended for benefits not for profits, it is meant for others. my love is infinite and not temporal, it is patient. my love is merciful and not judgmental, it is unconditional." (Thank you Stacey).

Love is Truth. Love is the reason we are here. Without it, a person has nothing. With it, a person feels as though anything is possible. And believe this, with love, anything IS possible. It is good when it's here, but sometimes I think it gets overlooked or taken for granted. It is devastating when it is gone. The pain of losing love or a loved one seems almost too much to bear. Love leads people to do irrational things, funny things, inspiring things. It can also be pushed out of people's reach for no explanation at all.

The word "Love" may not be able to describe the emotion that a person has, but hell, the people that make the rules say that everything in this world needs to be named for the purpose of description and comprehension. So what is this I feel? It is so good. It is so big. It is so simple. It is what it is, my friends.

I often contemplate on how to share that love with more people. How to share that love with the world! I have felt the love of the world before and I know what it feels like to know you've touched the lives of people you may not even know. Love is all-encompassing, invigorating and True. More positive thought=more love=a better existence.

So, without further ado, thank you to all of the people who have ever given me love. I have learned from each and every one of you. And thank you to specific people who taught me what real love is.

I think this is the first time I have written a blog post and haven't really taken it anywhere. I have no concrete opinion, I have no easy line to suggest people follow. I don't even really know if this post has a point! But I guess that just means that love is ultimately something that the heart does not debate, it does not tell you one way or the other how to love. I guess you just... DO.

So true, so True::

Nothing big... Just two quotes I love to love::

"The fastest way to break the vicious cycle and love fearlessly is to give up the idea of doing it perfectly - embrace uncertainty and imperfection."

"Attitude can be summed up in one word- choice. Choosing to change your attitude may seem like a small change, but it can't happen unless we recognize it's all up to us. If we don't decide what kind of a day we're going to have, who does?"

What is Happiness?

Wow friends... It's been a while! Can't believe it's been since February! Does that mean that nothing has really been post worthy or that I've been slacking on good updates? Ha, maybe a little of both but I am back to writing evermore.

I have learned a lot in the past few months. A lot about life. A lot about love. And a lot about appreciation, perspective and genuine compassion.

Appreciation:: People are always extending some helpful hand or words, a listening ear, or a comforting hug. And I think we tend to take this for granted, especially coming from the people closest to us. Never forget to appreciate these gestures.

Perspective:: Things in life may seem hard but there are always harder things. Some people may have it better or worse or just different but we all must remember that everyone goes through things where they could use a comforting hug. Keeping perspective of people's situations and the world around you is essential in your happiness and the happiness of the world.

Compassion:: Loving will never stop. Compassion will never leave this world. I encourage everyone to contemplate on the love in their lives and then extend it a little more. To someone who may need it but who you may not really know or understand. Everything comes full circle and this world flows a little easier when people are giving and true to their good nature. Learn to love fully or the heart will be wasted. The problem with this is that it tends to hurt more. But we must think, the suffering is worth the end result; fully experiencing.

Happiness:: I have found that when the pen is flowing, with words or drawings, my mind feels free of the world's suffering. The creative energy takes over and everything falls into place. When my pen is moving I cease to feel sorry for myself, to think badly about others, to over analyze and pick apart situations. Everything becomes clear. Everything becomes happy. It's almost as if I see the world, my world and my surroundings just as simply as they should be and it all makes sense.

Music, live music in particular, seems to have a similar effect. I went to a show last night of which I have waited years to see this artist live. I chose to go alone. When I told this to a friend before the concert, she could hardly believe that I would be doing such a thing by myself. I just thought it was another something I wanted to do and the fear or self-conciousness of being alone is not going to stop me from doing, seeing or experiencing anything. So I went. And I listened to the opening band, of which I bought a CD! I have never done that! But as I was listening, I felt the loosening up of everything inside. All of the negativity and the stress and the sorrow of anything that has ever happened. It slowly went away as my legs started to shake to the beat. I found myself in a room with 200 strangers with a smile on my face and the happiest honest feeling I have felt for some time. Something was coming alive. As John Butler came out on stage I couldn't help but jump up and down with excitement. And as the first chord of the first song was played I felt my heart lift into another world.

Not everyone gets this from music or writing. And not everyone will understand this. But I do know that everyone has something in their own lives that takes them to this place. That something that makes them this happy. Almost blissful, I guess. You know what it is, or maybe you don't and you're striving to find it. But I do know that it is out there. And it will make you feel good.

Writing again is hugely gratifying for me. It is something that gets pushed out of the way for work, love and other obligations. This is completely my fault and something no one else can do or not do for me. And it is something, for me, that should not be let go of. I have the complete set of my past journals and have been meaning to look back through them for a while now. They provide inspiration and advice into situations where I feel I have lost my way or need a boost. For those of you who know my "little black books," you know what I am talking about. The constant drawing with my four colors of pens, my note taking and quote writing, my silly little aspirations, hopes and dreams, and my heart and soul through tough times. Sometimes when we are going through something rough, we forget that we've probably felt a similar way before. It may not be as "bad" or "hard," etc. but we've all had to pick ourselves up and continue toward the ever changing dream of being our BEST SELVES.

For me, my best self is a culmination of everything in those little black journals. It is who I truly am, who I want to be and the things I admire about this world. Oh the miracles of this world! Let us never loose sight of that! Embracing the miracle of life is, essentially, what happens when I find myself unable to stop my fingers from typing, or unable to hold still to the sound of live music. You feel it in your bones and there is nothing more invigorating than understanding all of the happiness of the world just by doing or hearing something you love.

Love. It's what makes the world go 'round. God's love keeps the trees green. The heart's love is what feeds the mouths of the hungry and lets the weak rest in the care of good hands. Love and compassion for plants, animals and peoples alike is the love of the world.

Excuse me! I am starting to digress. Although, I once talked to my best friend about digression and if it was a bad or a good thing. I don't believe there is anything wrong with an "ADD" brain at all! It shows excitement. The digressive path allows you to think and feel and share so deeply all of your thoughts and loves. In my opinion, it lets the ideas loose so that they are there to be picked up and talked about or saved for another day. Digression is FEELING. It is loving. It is excitement for everything good in this world. And wanting to share that world with others.

So... Back to writing. I have said for a long time that I want to write a book. Or something along those lines. Not a novel but more of a book of inspiration. A book of Truth. A book of following one's path, being the best true self one can be. Being lost in this world and loving it and not going at it alone! The problem is; I just haven't done it. My excuse is; I just don't know how to start it. So, I am going to try because writing and inspiring and taking life's experiences and throwing them at other people is what makes me a happy person.

If I am happiest writing, I am a writer.
If I am happiest drawing, I am an artist.
If I am happiest singing, I am the best damn singer there ever was.

This is the Truth in life. This is how you find your happiness. Don't get all worked up into what you're supposed to be. Listen to the Truth and be what you WANT to be. Because I guarantee you, YOU ARE ALREADY IT. It is in there somewhere, it is our job to carry it out.

One of my favorite quotes is, "You were put here for a reason, Find what that reason is and do it." (Unknown)
To me this is simple. It is a given. To find what that is and do it is ultimately going feed the soul and make us more happy people.

And what is the point of all of it? We don't know need to search for the answer to this question. We get one shot, we better make sure we're happy enough to enjoy it. The point of LIFE is HAPPINESS. Love is happiness. Truth is happiness.

So I vow to write more, read more, draft a book, and stay true to the things and people I love and believe in.
And I love you all.

On saying YES:

The idea of Yes.

Yes is Yes. Yes is not No. Yes is not Maybe. Yes is why not?

Developing the idea of Yes is something that has come from my travel experiences, my mishaps and good fortunes along a crazy winding road through many countries and random experiences. Yes will get you far, Yes will take you to the things you never dreamed you'd be a part of. Yes will test you in many, many ways.

Say yes to experience. Any and all. And no, of course I don't mean EVERYTHING and ANYTHING because some things out there will get you in serious trouble or danger. BUT you must know what I mean when I say live your live with a Yes mentality. So many people get stuck in the comfort zone. The idea of things excite them but they never take action. Many experiences will be forfeited to the idea of comfort. "I could be doing that but I really need my space, my alone time" or "That would be really cool but I can't because [insert some dumb/semi-valid excuse here]" So why, we ask ourselves, do we forego experience to have a comfortable evening at home alone or a good night's sleep fpr just another day at the office?

YES to experience! You will get to know people and things on an entirely different level. Commit yourself to the things that you've always wanted to but haven't had the balls to say yes to.

For the first time I feel like my thoughts are very jumbled over this idea. Maybe because it is so simple, at least in my head, and nothing more needs to be said.

You will always say you WANT to do something, until you say YES to it. You've always wanted to travel? Why not now? You've always wanted to go to that show on a Monday night but haven't because of work on Tuesday? Why not this Monday? What have you got to lose besides a few hours of sleep? Nothing a little caffeine can't kick. That trip you've been envious of your best friend for... Why not make it your own or plan your own 'next great adventure'?

THERE IS A WHOLE WORLD OF EXPERIENCE OUT THERE. AND THOUSANDS OF THINGS TO SAY YES TO! Commit yourself to these things. Think responsibly about what you've always wanted to say Yes to, and then do it. There is no waiting around because we all know that that means it will never actually happen.

And once you've said yes to certain things, the expanse of our world and experience in it will only grow and continue to grow. People from all over have so much to teach you, say Yes to these lessons. Learning someone else's culture, someone else's way will only open your eyes to a world so beautiful and deserving of your attention.

Say Yes to all experience and you will find yourself growing spiritually and mentally more so than ever before. We need more Yes people in this world, narrow-mindedness and conservatism toward the unknown experience will always be there, the nay-sayers, the can't-do's, will always be creeping in one ear. But there is no right or wrong way to live life! No one tells you how it's got to be done! Say Yes to finding your own way.

That is all. Simply Yes.

This is:: it.

This is love, my people.
This = life.
What it’s all about.
Being a peaceful warrior.
Getting through the bad with the good. And knowing the bad must be there to appreciate the good. Seek out the good in times of bad.

It is all a part of the same journey. The same road.
All roads lead to Rome right? Well… substitute Rome for the enlightened, peaceful state of mind that we all strive for.
All of the things one must go through will lead to THAT STATE OF MIND. Mindfulness.
This includes the not so good, the bad, the unfortunate, the hardest of hard.
These make us stronger.
These allow us to see what we really had, have or want. Or what we’ve really lost.
But we haven’t lost anything because we were so blessed to have it in the first place, even if it was for a blink of the eye in the timeline of our so called life.
Because all roads leads to one. All paths taken in your mind and with your step will lead you to the place you will be. And there you will be.

This is it. NOW. You are there now. You are here now. You must be where you are and be happy in that moment, be giving and thankful and blessed in that moment. For that moment is IT. It is your life. It is Great.
Think of love and light and happiness.

The energy all around comes from within.
You are projecting life on life. The projection is real. The manifestation of the things you believe. The things you need.

This isn’t some crazy manic mental state, this is YOU. You are here and you are living. No judgment, no reaction, no resistance. Free your mind from these things. for it has all come from you. You will only judge your own mind with your own eye.

Do NOT FEAR what may or may not happen.
It is already happening. You are already EXPERIENCING everything there is to experience at this moment in time. You musn’t fear what has been chosen.

It is written. You will follow. It is your purpose to create goodness. No, your purpose is to create GREATNESS, along the way.
It is written, you must find it. You must create it.
You must bow down in the face of glory and know. In your heart of hearts that everything you have done until now has lead up to this moment. THIS moment!

And that is all that matters.

The confusion is nothing. The vision is there. Being drowned out by so many other things. You must learn to look through the eyes of clarity and know that it is there, the vision. The Purpose.
You secretly enjoy the manic phase. The craziness. From it comes the blissful clarity. the simplicity. The brilliance.
Why not embrace it as you do everything else? It is there. It is you. It is REAL. And it is exactly what needs to be happening.

Live for love and laughter and faith.
And TRUTH.

Nothing. NOTHING. Else matters my friend.

Same Same but Different::

Something I wrote a few months ago.. Thought I could share it here..

For as long as I can remember I've wanted to be an explorer. A world traveler. A nomad, persay.

Parents always ask their children, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" And the normal response from a six year old is usually along the lines of veternarian, doctor, writer, etc. There are not many young kids who would say, "I just want to see the world." Well, you've found her, and that's exactly what I did.

Graduating college at 23, I still had the same aspiration to see the world as I did when I was six. So I saved up money and put myself on a plane. The destination is not exactly the most important, but it's what happened along the journey that makes the difference. I found myself drinking beer "Down Under" with the Ausi's and teaching English to orphans in Cambodia, and everything in between is a blur. Something unexpected happened along this two year journey, something that I find hard to put into words.

I've always known myself to be a girl with big dreams but somewhat lost and confused about life and the world in general. But something happened to me during my travels, especially my first adventure in a third world country. I found my heart. Looking back I can honestly say that I did not know that it was happening until it was over. I will never forget the day I stepped off the plane in the capital city of Cambodia, Phenom Penh, and felt like I had time traveled to another planet. Immediately, I noticed the juxtaposition between beauty and suffering. Everything around me was so different than my home, yet I had a certain connection with the people. Because they were people, just like me, with smiles as big as the moon and laughter that could fill a room in a second. They were petite in size but bursting with life. I suppose someone else stepping in to the same environment could look at their world and see the suffering, the corruption and the poverty. That is what anyone could see very easily, but the emotion of it all, the heart, the humanity, makes it just another beautiful place in this beautiful world.

Without any clue of what was going on I was escorted off the airport grounds only to find myself looking down a row a police guards with AK-47's hanging at their sides and cigarettes up at their mouths. A person's first reaction to this is fear. And that is exactly what I felt for a split second. Then I remembered a small piece of advice a friend had given me years before on my first visit to Australia. He said "When you are somewhere else, experiencing someone else's culture and in someone else's homeland, you must remember that it's not weird, it's just different."

It's not weird, it's just different. This is what I was supposed to be thinking? Before I had to time to react in any way one of the guards was at the side of the road flagging down a biker. A small man on a moped came over, took my heavy rucksack off my back and threw it onto his bike. Turning around he led me by the shoulders to the back of the bike, I hopped on and we were off! Driving through the city to the bus station was a life changing experience in itself. Everything is different! The poverty, dirt and smog are everywhere. But so are laughing faces, businesses and LIFE.

I spent the next two weeks in the Lighthouse Orphanage with the most wonderful group of children I have ever met in my life. Each one of them was a gem, an angel sent to show me the beauty of this world. They spoke English quite well but we spent everyday going over vocabulary and grammar. They were eager to learn, eager to play and eager to live. I'll never forget the day we left and each one of them had hand drawn me a picture signed with their names. I still keep those drawings as an inspiration to do good things in my life.

To serve humanity. To make this world a better place. To benefit the lives of others through education and love.

I've always said that there is a certain disconnect between seeing this kind of suffering on television, or reading about it in the newspaper and actually seeing it first hand. I truly believe that if everyone in the first world saw the poverty, suffering AND the hope and inspiration in the third world with their own eyes, this world would be a different place. There is no way to ignore how people live, or barely survive. We are all the same and my adventures overseas have taught me this. Everyone deserves a basic education. That way, we can start building the world from the ground up. Get down and dirty and beat poverty! Educate people and provide the basic resources to help their own communities. Together, we can make this world a better place! It is easier than we think and everyone deserves a chance.